Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

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Jeepers Dudes and D-Padders! This is a doozy of an episode. Things tend to get loose when we discuss games in the evening vs. the morning. Lots of tangential talk this episode… including, but not limited to… vomit.

Bart vs. the Space Mutants

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Eat my shorts man! No really, eat em. They are purple and the aliens want purple stuff for some reason. They’ve got to go.

This week, the Dudes discuss the unique and hotly debated Bart vs. the Space Mutants. Some love it, some hate it, some love to hate it. Tune in and find out what the dudes think.

We have a new logo! Which means, we’ve now opened a store full of sweet 2 Dudes swag. Come check it out:

http://www.galloree.com/Shops/2-Dudes-and-a-NES-Shop–4279/index.php

Behind The Scenes Look

Shout Outs!

Marble Madness

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They’re back!!! The Dudes are joined by none other than the bringer backer himself… Slapper Bags!!! aka John as they discuss Marble Madness.

Turbo button? There is a turbo button!? The dudes really show their expertise at this game. Be sure and listen.

We have a new logo! Which means, we’ve now opened a store full of sweet 2 Dudes swag. Come check it out:

http://www.galloree.com/Shops/2-Dudes-and-a-NES-Shop–4279/index.php

Behind The Scenes Look

Shout Outs!

Nightmare on Elm Street

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BOO!

It’s Halloween time and the Dudes have come together to talk about another horror based game. This time, the Dudes are talking about Nightmare on Elm Street. Joining the Dudes this week is Dude Paul to talk about this game that despite negative reviews the Dudes happen to enjoy.

See what the Dudes have to say about this game and be sure to drink plenty of coffee lest Freddy get you……

Behind The Scenes Look

Shout Outs!

Legacy of the Wizard

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TMNT II still remains on hold. Oh well. It may become a lost episode….

However, this week the Dudes sit down with the guys over at the Youtube channel Power Trip Gaming to talk about the game Legacy of the Wizard. They really bring a love and passion for this game that the Dudes may be lacking. This episode is a good listen for a game that has a large cult following.

Download

Behind The Scenes Look

Shout Outs!

Castlevania

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This week the Dudes finally talk about TMNT II: The Arcade Game… NOT!!! Still working on those scheduling issues. Instead, the Dudes tackle another Patreon Pick and this is one that the D-Padders have been asking for for quite some time… Castlevania! Just in time for the month of October. Dun Dun Duuuuuuuuun!

Download

Behind The Scenes Look

Shout Outs!

Super Mario Maker

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This week the Dudes take a break from talking NES games to talk about a new game with a classic feel. That game is the much acclaimed Super Mario Maker. For the first time Nintendo takes the creator role to the gamer and let’s YOU decide the challenges that will face the Italian Plumber this time.

Michael talks about his experiences playing the game which makes Justin very jealous because he has yet to get the game. The Dudes also talk about the prospect of creating Dudes levels for the D-Padders to play.

Join the Super Mario Maker Facebook group HERE

Download

 

Behind The Scenes Look

Shout Outs!

Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom

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This week the Dudes sit down to talk about a more obscure game in the NES gaming world in Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom. This is a game with a strong cult following and that shows in the D-Padders who voted for this game to be talked about by the Dudes.

The Dudes have an interesting time talking about a game whose cast is usually reserved for the salad bar. Listen to find out what the Dudes have to say about this game.

Retrofitted Trophies

Lettuce Begin

Delmonte

Green Giant

Rating

Miracle Gro

Manure

Behind The Scenes Look

Shout Outs!

Riki’s Stanky Feet

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Atari Man here, and you know something, there’s nothing I love more than blatantly obvious jokes, and no, that’s not what this article is about, the fact I love blatantly obvious jokes. It is however about a blatantly obvious joke in relation to the game Adventures Of Dino Riki, another one of those silly games (Hey) Justin and (Hey) Michael are subjecting me to, albeit indirectly as I bring you, my legions of fans (all 12 of you) something I love about Dino Riki, and trust me this is actually something you’re going to want to pay attention to, even before you pop that cartridge into your trusty NES. Like I said, this is about a blatantly obvious joke, and if you look at the artwork on your Dino Riki cartridge you might be smart enough to figure out what this blatantly obvious joke is. Still looking? Times up!

You see, this is one of the many struggles of being me, Atari Man, because while the rest of the world just sees a colorful and action packed piece of artwork on this cartridge, I see a lesson in personal hygiene. Now look, before you lock me up with that one guy who brushes his teeth 5 times a day (and that’s just what’s been recorded at Guinness) allow me to elaborate. Sure, it looks like Riki here, with his spiked hair no caveman has ever been documented on record of having is simply delivering a flying kick that would make the likes of Billy and Jimmy Lee jealous, when in fact we don’t see the dinosaurs backing off because of the power of said kick. But Atari Man, just look at that comic book style explosion graphic near him, surely the kick was enough to send a shockwave through these dinosaurs, thus creating yet another theory as to why they went extinct, right? Wrong, grasshoppers, because the dinosaurs aren’t being harmed by Riki’s powerful kick, they are being harmed by the powerful ODOR of Riki’s feet. Now I know I’m not a huge history buff, but chances are back in those days when cavemen and dinosaurs that were proven to never have had existed at the same time somehow did there was no Irish Spring soap. Heck, there wasn’t even an Irish spring to be found! Something also tells me despite his immortal powers and ability to curse any current NFL athlete by allowing them to grace the cover of his football games, John Madden also was absent with his giant can of (BOOM!) Tough Actin’ Tinactin for Athlete’s Foot, you know, because running from dinosaurs trying to kill you was an Olympic sport back then.


There’s some ninjas and bees in here, BOOM!

Think about it, what’s not to love about a guy who improvises and comes up with a new weapon to thus kill a dinosaur and bring the food home to his spikey haired cave people family? While the Joneses down a few caves are trying to find a new way to carve a more effective spear, Riki is simply dipping his already big nasty feet in ponds of dead fish, scum, and whatever was left over from the Fear Factory levels of Donkey Kong Country on the SNES. Who knows? He might even be mixing in some garbage from those terrible Toxic Avenger films and the remains of the first showing of Gigli with Ben Affleck and that Hispanic girl with the big..smile. I mean, if you’re going to take down a brontosaurus you need to bring out the big guns.


Did somebody say terrible movies and big guns, BUUUUUDDDDYY?

Dino Riki, you dino stink, and for that, Atari Man loves ya, just keep your nasty feet, complete with bunions, away from me. Hmm, maybe THIS is why the dinosaurs in all the Jurassic Park films are always so angry?


Ahem, excuse me good chap, could you kindly, oh I don’t know, WASH YOUR STANKY FEET, RAWWWWWRRR! Thank you. Good day!

Heavy Barrel

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Join the Dudes this week as they talk about a Keg of Significant Weight. No wait…that’s not it. Oh yeah, Heavy Barrel! That’s it! Heavy Barrel brings all the excitement that a child of the 80’s could ever want. In this game, you are trying to save the world from Terrorists by assembling a special weapon called Heavy Barrel. The Dudes have a good time discussing this game and hope that you have a good time listening.

Retrofitted Trophies

A Fiver

Ah-nold

Team America

Pocket Full of Keys

You can’t Touch This

Pyro maniac

 

Game Rating

Type of Gun

.22 Rifle

9 MM

 

Behind The Scenes Look

Shout Outs!

Starting a Podcast

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Foreword: It’s been almost two years since I started my podcasting voyage. In those two years, I’ve learned a lot. But this is about when I started. I wrote this article as I was developing and starting my very first podcast, Retro Thought Pod. RTP has since ceased to exist, but my podcasting journey continues on with two new podcasts. Read this article about when it all started and stay tuned for a follow-up to hear what I’ve learned.

Lessons from a clueless hopeful.

The World Wide Web can be quite the intimidating place for someone whose experience with it doesn’t normally include much more than spying on Facebook and watching YouTube videos. But about a year ago when I started listening to podcasts, I knew podcasting was something that I wanted to do. Recording my voice and cementing my thoughts to a sound file was a very attractive notion. The idea of connecting with like people who share the same sentiment and want to hear me talk, of course, was even more enticing.

I spent the next ten months making excuses. I am far too busy with school, work, and family. I really don’t have anything interesting to say. There is probably a hundred other podcasts out there that would be better than me; why even try? What do I have that is special and unique that would make me stand out in the huge labyrinth of podcasts? Well, the answer to that last question may still be nothing; but I finally came to the realization that none of my excuses matter. It does not matter if anybody likes my podcast because I will like it. I will listen to it. I want to look back on this, years from now, and say that I was proud that I tried and maybe there will be a person or two out there that will enjoy it.

So do I just sit in front of a mic, record my voice, put it up on the internet, and hope the world flocks to me? I could do that, but I doubt that the podcast would be very effective. I also doubt that I would stick with an ineffective podcast. I have a competitive spirit. I do not typically do things half way in the beginning. I may decide to half-heartedly do something after I have realized it is not working. But in the beginning, I take things head on and in a sprint.

It was time to devise a plan and this is where the advice starts. The plan includes four phases:

Phase I: Study. All I have listened to for the past year is podcasts. I love them. I take notes. I pick and choose the things that I think certain podcasts do right and I write it down. I want to expand upon what others do right and prevent myself from making the mistakes of others.

Phase II: Don’t Adventure Alone. This may be the most important phase. I cannot do this on my own. I feel that in order to produce an effective podcast and gain a loyal following; I need to reach out to those who are already doing that very thing. I have been completely blown away by the responses I have received from the podcast community. Everyone is willing to extend a helping hand. The community is so much like a family it is almost hard to understand. I encourage anyone who is thinking about a podcast to reach out and email the podcasts that you listen to and admire. In reaching out to those who inspired me, I have a leg up that I didn’t even know existed. Also, and I am not saying that this is a necessity, but I want to enjoy this with friends. I enjoy the company of my friends already. It is certainly easier for me to talk with other people than to try and talk by myself to a microphone. So I have assembled a team of people who I would call experts and we are moving forward together.

Phase III: Plan and Market. We can record five episodes and maybe reach a few listeners by the time we reach episode five; or we can reach out to people on social media and have a few listeners before we ever even start. Which option sounds better? I chose the latter. I have spent time on social media and time developing a website so that by the first recording; we will already have a few listeners. It may not seem like much, but in a race; I would much rather starts three feet ahead of my competition.

Phase IV: Record and Don’t Worry. This is the easiest part. I want to have fun and just talk about the things that make me happy. This world is huge. Whatever I talk about will also resonate with someone somewhere.

I still do not really know what I am doing. We have not recorded a single episode. We currently have a whopping zero listeners. We are, however, forging ahead full steam and I have the utmost confidence that we will do whatever it takes. We will put out a quality podcast. We will produce a quality web site. We will actively engage with the community on social networks. Will it work? Will we be successful? Check back with me in a few and I’ll tell you.

-Dude Michael

American Gladiators

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This week the Dudes take on a game of epic proportions! That game is none other than American Gladiators which of course was based on the classic television hit from the 90’s.

Joining the Dudes is a brother Dude Matthew. Matthew and Michael go head to head in a history quiz game. Will Michael be able to keep his streak alive? Listen to find out. ‘

This game tended to fly under the radar for the NES but the Dudes are fond of this one, especially Michael who spent many childhood days playing against his brother in the ultimate test of video game athleticism.

Retrofitted Trophies

The Winslow Special – Lose the game

Steve Urkel Will be Impressed – Beat the eliminator

Blue Hair Don’t Care – Beat the game

Red Hair don’t stare – Lose at the game

Pit of Death – Knock one of the gladiators off of anything

Zakk Wylde Would be Impressed – Guitar twang after winning joust

Game Rating

Family Matters Character:

Stevil

Stefan

Judy

 

Download

Shout Outs!

Satoru Iwata

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There was perhaps no better visionary to walk through the doors of the President’s office at Nintendo than Satoru Iwata. He claimed on multiple occasions that he was not a businessman nor a game designer first but a gamer. This is what separated him from the President’s that preceded him.

Join the dudes as they sit down to talk about the man Iwata and his legendary role in Nintendo and gaming history.

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Captain Jack Sparrow’s Grape Juice

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Hey dudes and dudettes, Atari Man here. You know one of the things that never ceases to amaze me is how Kelso and Justin seem to keep selecting these games that I wouldn’t be caught dead playing. Like seriously, I’d rather play a Genesis game then some of these titles. I know, scary right? That being said, considering they seem to take some childish glee in making me play these blasted things so I can find something to center my article on I’d also like to say that ANOTHER thing that never ceases to amaze me is how so many retro games, especially those I cover, always seem to have something even more odd than the guy writing this as a focus, and if you don’t believe me, consider the following.

I had never heard of Bard’s Tale, but I vaguely recall being a wee lad on the mean streets of North Scranton (No, no, no, FOR THE LOVE OF GOOD NO OFFICE JOKES, STEPHENS!) and hearing about this game, somehow formulating in my tender mind that it was a text based game and thus cancer in the eyes of many children. That’s the thing about being Atari Man, kids, sometimes CEO Kelso with his fancy license plate and COO Justin with his gastrointestinal deficient pets make me knowingly go out and get cancer of the eyes with these games. I sit there, drink about 2 or 3 Redd’s Strawberry Ale (which are delicious) and wonder just what I did to make these two so angry. I mean, was it the impressions Aaron Hickman and I did of the 2 Dudes behind closed doors that were discovered? I mean, did they really have to call a meeting on us?

Kelso: “Hey Justin.”

Justin: “Yeah?”

Kelso: “Those two jerks were makin’ fun of our accents. That’s just not right.

Justin: “Yeah.”

Kelso: “Let’s make Nick play Bard’s Tale. That sounds really evil. I love license plates and homemade stuffing.”

Justin: “Yeah.”

I know the meaning behind those yeahs there Justin. There’s no need to shout. So as I always try to do, I tried to find some optimism, between the cushions of my couch, under Rob Luther’s hat, in between the biscuits of Landon Long’s favorite snack, but sadly I couldn’t find any, and the reason is simple. Bard’s Tale, like any game in its infancy, could have ended up being anything, and you’d think somebody in charge would come up with a killer idea as something that one day would get some kind of clever cult status among those who loyally played the game. So what did the creators of Bard’s Tale come up with that was on the lips of every gamer?


Wow..just..wow.

It seems that in the world of Bard’s Tale there’s a seemingly endless shortage of grape juice, and reasons are never truly explained. Certainly one could surmise that perhaps there was a recall of them, it happens all the time with everything from children’s car seats, to even bottled water, so grape juice certainly wouldn’t be immune to such a thing now would it? It seemed whenever I started to get a handle on the game, or at least somewhat appreciate it, this message of woe would appear and I would curse the people at Welch’s, and seriously they have had the cutest kids in their commercials since the invention of child actors.


This is the stuff that’s always gone in Bard’s Tale, yo. It’s like gold, my brother, like gold! Yeah, I gave him a NYC street vendor voice, so what?

What’s more is that if you are one of the lucky ones to actually FIND grape juice in this bizarre world of Bard’s Tale, it is so highly sought after that the people living in this place are paranoid to the point where they have to sip their purple nectar of the gods in private. I’m serious.


So for those of you keeping score, the only good grape juice is the kind you drink nervously while looking over your shoulder in your own cellar, hoping you don’t get shanked by an old man mistaking it for prune juice.

So why is grape juice in such short supply? After careful research and another Redd’s Strawberry Ale I can finally sum it all up in three words-Captain Jack Sparrow. The poor guy hasn’t been in a movie in years, AND he’s run out of rum, with no wine or spirits store in sight, so what’s a guy to do? Well, he needs to find a new drink of choice, and the delusional pirate has chosen grape juice, but not just any grape juice, Bard’s Tale grape juice, which must contain like 7 daily vitamins and minerals, as well as the ability to create more space in the minds of its drinkers to store vital information you need to do things like sneak into the Pentagon and make string cheese at home.


I’m sorry, but did somebody say vital information?

One might feel sorry for the poor people of Bard’s Tale, having to go to crazy lengths to protect their grape juice, or worse yet, having to find a store within reasonable driving distance to find some, but you know what, I don’t feel sorry for these jerks at all, and you want to know why?

There’s only 3 golden rules in life, people, just 3..

1)Be kind to your neighbor.

2)Put the seat back down if you’re married and value your life.

3)NEVER steal a pirate’s favorite drink.

I mean, I know rule #2 is pretty hard for some, but #3? Seriously, Bard’s Tale villagers, you had ONE JOB.

Good for you, Jack Sparrow, sneaking into the ADT protected cellars of these neurotic nutjobs. For once in your life you’re not the one asking “Where did all the rum go?” and why, because you’ve moved onto a healthier alternative all while terrorizing people who really do need to lighten up and stop hoarding all the grape juice. I salute you, Jack Sparrow, just let me get my glass of..


“Looking for something, mate?”

You sneaky, sneaky pirate. Well done.

Mr. Dink’s Yo-Yos

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My mother still treats me like I’m 9. As we speak I am sitting at my parents’ house making sure their 10-year-old little dog Rocky doesn’t bite one of the kind workers who are putting in a new back porch and I almost feel like I’m a child and she’s telling me “Now, Nicholas, not everything in the world is funny.” You’re right, Mom. Guys, my mom is right. You can’t just slap a picture on 2 Dudes And A NES and then through the magic of the Internet it becomes this sensationally hilarious thing.


Ok, so that’s pretty funny.

However, it is certainly worth noting that I don’t just wake up with these ideas in my head. It takes time, patience, a whole lot of snack foods, 90s music, and meditation in front of my Retro Junkies shrine (complete with Rob brushing his teeth and Landon chowing down on a chicken biscuit standing back to back) for me to get a clear mind, a clear soul, and might I add clear skin without the use of Adam Levine?

“I just couldn’t believe it. He looked right at me, said “You’re a poor man’s Rob Luther!”, and then hit me with a sugar bomb.”

I’ve been trying my best to go through the back catalog of episodes here on 2 Dudes after a long hiatus, and I realized a few things:

-There’s NO way I’m covering all these games. Sorry, peeps, but a guy has to eat, sleep, and dream of a world where Kanye West doesn’t exist.
-Kelso has one of the best voices NEVER to be in an episode of The Dukes Of Hazzard, with Justin as a close second.
-Some of the games that I thought would be difficult to create material for have actually been pretty easy, such is the case of what I LOVE today.

Just as I have so many great memories about classic NES titles, I also have those moments where I shook my head and wondered what the big deal was about a game, even as a kid. I can still vividly remember kids at school talking about Rygar and how great it was. Who was I to argue? I was quite the poor child in some aspects, especially in the realm of video games, so like any deprived kid I figured I was missing something until the day arrived that I got to put that glorious Rygar cartridge into my trusty NES and see just what all the hub-bub (great term, use it, guys) was about. I can still remember the very first question I asked myself when playing Rygar, as clear as day.

“Why is he using a yo-yo to attack people?”

Which was followed by a whole queue of questions, ranging from:

“Where did he get the yo-yo?”

“Is it a Duncan yo-yo?”

“If it isn’t Duncan, is it one of those Ding-A-Ling ones with the commercial that makes me and all my friends laugh?”

“Is that creepy guy in the cave his father? Did he get him the yo-yo for being a good boy at the mall?”

“Why do enemies disappear? Are they afraid of the yo-yo?”

You can now tell why I am the person you know today. While kids were worrying about things like fruit snacks, Saturday morning cartoons, and scented markers, I was tackling the big issues, like why Rygar was ever a game to begin with. That being said I’ve finally discovered the main reason this game DID come to pass, and it can be summed up in two words.

Mr. Dink.


“Heyuk, what’s the matter? Expecting someone less purple and handsome?”

Whenever you’re someone looking for something incredibly overpriced (VERY EXPENSIVE) that really has very little purpose, then Dink is your man. Would he really pass up the opportunity to provide this warrior with the latest and greatest in yo-yo weapon technology? Of course not!

So while I want to hate Rygar, I can’t, if only because of Bud Dink’s kind donation of some VERY EXPENSIVE yo-yos. How Dink obtains the money for this or any of this million other gadgets is still in question (I believe he sells drugs, but that’s for another article) but what definitely isn’t would be how naked this warrior would feel going to battle without his trusty high powered Mr Dink Yo-Yo Of Doom courtesy of Bluffco Industries.

I wonder if it had a catchy and highly questionable jingle?


Wait..they made robots? This changes everything!

Capt’ Hickman’s Mutiny for the Ages…

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A ship, an isle, decipher time with the Sun,

The mirrors of the seas, continually re-run,

Periods change for historical lands,

No map has he, yet the Capt’ commands.

 

An isle beside an isle,

She doth lay,

The Governor’s daughter,

For sale upon the bay,

 

Whilst the moon reflects, the port of gold,

A Pinnace ship, as the manual told,

Put forth its great and lonely flight,

To the ever reflecting ocean night,

 

She fly’s the flag,

Crash into the deck,

Aboard the Dutch,

Salvage the wreck.

*****************************************************

A worthy vagrant,

For a Capt’ thus far,

He signs up every seadog,

In each and any bar.

 

And still, a ship upon her seas,

Went sailing without the winds of ease,

And moved so slowly, the moon so pale,

That Frigate ship, she hardly set sail.

 

The marsh is thick,

The Galleon sails heavy,

The wind blows hard,

Capt’ hold her steady…

 

Attack, attack , via ground via sea,

The Capt’s men are shaken then angry.

The victorious winnings, of the sea faring buccaneer,

Again have vacated the towns food and beer.

 

Oh Sir, Oh Sir,

There is land upon the yonder,

Why not harbor?

Maybe divy upon the plunder?

 

Imagine the wealth?

The riches we could combine?

Then that stingy old Capt’….

Hickman was left behind.

 

 

 

Crystalis

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The Dudes are joined this week by the one and only High Score Dude or Dude Shaun as he is also known by. They sit down to discuss the game Crystalis, which is a lesser known NES classic.

Many may have not heard about Crystalis but the game turns into a fun and interesting play for the Dudes. The Dudes talk about all things Crystalis that even includes a quiz game! Can Michael keep his winning record alive? You have to listen to find out.

Crystalis is a fun game that has brought entertainment to the many that have played it, just as this podcast will to the many D-padders.

Retrofitted Trophies

You are the wind beneath my wings – Get the sword of wind

Mom, the fog lamp!! – Find the fog lamp

Rinky Dink – Beat the game at the lowest level possible

Where’s Earth – Get both the wind and the fire sword

Do your parents even love you? – Find the psycho armor and shield

Thor like- Obtain the thunder sword

Waiting for a hero – Play the game between 1997 and 2097

Godslayer – Beat the game

Game Rating

90’s Rapper:

Bone Thugs N Harmony

LL Cool J

Biggie Smalls

Download

Shout Outs!

Peter Griffin’s Hurt Knee

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My journey to 2 Dudes And A NES was no walk in the park, it was an arduous journey that would make Homer’s Odyssey look like a play date at Chuck E. Cheese. Actually, that’s pretty dangerous too now that I think of it, all those kids, the germs, the cheese, creepy mascots and terrible arcade games that are no real fun at all. My point is that I am grateful to be here among you, because somehow the great retro video game gods in the sky, just to the left of where Rob Luther stores his endless supply of spin brushes and Crest 3D whitening strips it was decided that I would come here, to grace you all with nonsensical shenanigans that make you stand up, cheer, and perhaps even do an interpretative dance in response to a song that doesn’t even have a dance for it. Would you like a suggestion? Ace Of Base’s “I Saw The Sign” because pointing to a sign and acting like you have to pee sounds pretty simple to me.


Hmm, maybe there already was an Ace Of Base created interpretive dance?

Let’s say, however, that you’re not as crafty, cunning, and elusive as your favorite Retro Junkies scribe? Perhaps on your journey here to the 2 Dudes And A NES website you encounter an enemy so awful, so vile, you’d almost think they were designed with the failure of your journey in mind. Such is the case for one Peter Griffin should he be placed in a world similar to that of the NES classic, Kung Fu. Some of you may be wondering why such a place would be considered dangerous for a man who has definitely had his share of battles and won so many of them in his time on Family Guy. Well, because there is one enemy in Kung Fu who isn’t looking to just inflict pain and punishment to you on an ordinary, mundane level. He is a man who is looking to hit you directly in the kneecap with his random stick of doom, and if you’re Peter Griffin, having a good day, singing “Bird Is The Word” you’re not thinking that around the corner could be the end to your good day, leaving you on the ground looking something like this and sounding like, well if you follow the show you know the sound Peter makes when he gets hit in the knee. It’s not pretty, folks, but random stick of doom guy doesn’t care.


I feel your pain, Peter.

I’d like to take this a step further and say not only do I really love the picture of Peter Griffin holding his knee, I REALLY love the fact that this vile villain could have made the choice to attack any limb on your character’s body, but chose to focus on the knees, which is just sound strategy as far as I’m concerned. Oh, and don’t go spouting all this nonsense that the attack is cheap because your character is the same goofy guy using sweeps against people who are just trying to do a poorly choreographed conga line. Don’t deny it, generic Kung Fu guy, there’s plenty of photographic evidence out there on Google to support my theory. If Tito from Rocket Power were here, he’d say something about how the Ancient Hawaiians once said something about coconuts, birds, and sun tan lotion in regards to how if you kick poorly organized dancers in the shin, you will in turn get clubbed, Big Boss Man style, in the knee.


Trust me, The Big Boss Man doesn’t care either..nor do his sunglasses.

If you don’t think there’s karma in video games, I suggest you take a closer look. Just don’t get too close if you value your right or left patella.


HAHAHAHA, I HIT YOU IN KNEE, THEN HEAD, MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE ELVIS..FAT ELVIS!

Lazy Developers

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When tasked to come up with something fresh, innovative, and Michael Kelso approved (begrudgingly or not) it is easy to forget something I love about a classic NES game that’s right there in front of me the whole time, and there is no game in the vast Nintendo universe more iconic, more deserving of the term classic than the original Super Mario Bros. Stories of this game are told far and wide, and yet for all the fanfare the game gets, there’s one thing that is conveniently overlooked. No, this isn’t about Atari Man’s love of Luigi’s green facial hair when it’s time for him to start shooting fire, nor is it about Bowser’s never changing creeper face that desperately tries to lure kids into an unmarked van with promises of candy and the latest Octonauts toy. There’s one thing I love the most about this game, one thing that deserves it’s own Real Men Of Genius type commercial, and it isn’t even something that’s entirely game related.

Super Mario Bros, dear readers, was one of the most notable circumstances where lazy developers still had their moment to shine, when being bored with tedious tasks was still rewarded, because it was 1985, and no one really cared to argue. If you don’t believe your friendly, neighborhood Atari Man, all you have to do when playing this classic platform game is to look up, and then look back down.


Hi there, just letting you know ANYTHING is possible.-Cloudbush

That’s right, the clouds and the bushes are the same shape, same design, just different colors. While I’m certain there are far more accurate reasons as to why this happened, I think I’m worthy enough to put my own spin on things. Yes, Atari Man loves lazy developers, because they give birth to things like this, Pac-Man on the Atari 2600, and every religious themed game in the history of everything. Oh sure, one could just slap the word prototype at the end of the game, but it takes a real man with big A and B buttons to just put something out there regardless of how sloppy it looks, but hey, what did you guys and gals expect the day the bushes and clouds were created, something by Michelangelo? It’s hard to do when you had the most successful and yet drunken night at the karaoke bar in your entire life!


That’s the spirit, random pink sweater chick!

Besides, let’s be honest with ourselves here, haven’t we all had our moments where we wished the bushes and the clouds were the same colors, the same textures, the same amount of ozone depletion and Edward Scissorhands precision? Wow, imagine that, Johnny Depp in full on creepy guy mode making the clouds look even more appealing than a Bob Ross painting (That was for you, Aaron Hickman!)


I am in no way associated with this article OR Retro Obscura. Leave my spirit alone, Hickman.

Now I know what you’re thinking as you sit there in your Legend Of Zelda t-shirt, eating some Doritos, and wishing you had a cold Crystal Pepsi to wash it down with, why would anybody want to honor sheer laziness in the video game industry? Well because friends, we all still blindly do it every holiday season or whenever a brand new game comes out, because let’s face it, nothing really is brand new anymore, now is it? I’m not one for waxing philosophy (and even less hardwood floors, you can ask my fiancée, Kathy) but games are never 100% ready to go like they used to be, and while some people may try to cover the collective butts of their favorite video game companies by saying that they just had so many ideas that couldn’t have made it into the game in time for release, we know what’s really happening, now don’t we? Of course we do. Probably something that involves way too much high carb snacks and binge watching Orange Is The New Black. I’ve seen it a hundred times.

So why does Atari Man love lazy developers if there’s nothing honorable in being lazy? Well even though I’m not for being lazy at all, it’s bad for your health and may even cause tooth decay (I know, Rob, I know) I am most definitely in favor of doing the least amount of work and still looking impressive and worthy of accolades despite that little nagging factor of being as efficient as a garden slug (of the none Ducktales drunken variety) Can you really blame developers of games like Super Mario Bros for being looked at as video game gods despite the fact that REAL video game gods know the difference between a bush and a cloud?


I’ve only heard of one god-like bush, and he sang one killer “She’ll Be Comin’ Round The Mountain”.

Seriously, hats off to you guys, and be sure to sing another killer public domain song Friday night at Wong’s Wings And Karaoke Bar for me. You guys are awesome!

The Bard’s Tale

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ANOTHER PATREON PICK! It is officially the attack of the Patreon picks and the dudes could not be happier about that either. This week however, Dude Justin is on the sidelines with a sick Dudette but never fear Dude Micheal is joined by Hon. Dude George for this week.

The game being played was a bit of a cult classic RPG The Bard’s Tale. The game has been received with mixed reviews and there are mixed reviews on the podcast (Spoiler alert).

The Bard’s tale can be a fun and enjoyable but very detailed game. So listen to this episode to hear what the Dudes have to say.

Retrofitted Trophies

Mario you greedy SOB

Another 300 Gold down the drain

Billboard Top 100

Platinum Record

You May Advance

Bullseye

Is That All You’ve Got

Gimme That Grammy

Game Rating

A song:

Spaceman by the Killers

Earned It by The Weekend

Behind The Scenes Look

Download

Shout Outs!

The Acceptance Of Random Child Lifting

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To those who know me, and be thankful you’re not one of these unfortunate souls, I am quite the strange person (Can you tell?) but not just for the reasons that are quite evident. I am also a strange person in that a lot of the NES series that have that one game that is considered the definitive game in the series is often the one I don’t like, instead becoming an avid fan of that one game that is usually universally regarded as the black sheep or worst entry in the franchise’s illustrious history. In no situation is this more true than in my blatant disregard for the grandeur that is the original Legend Of Zelda, tossing all it’s fanfare aside like a used tissue in favor of one of my all time favorite childhood games, Zelda II: Adventure Of Link, a game that is as polarizing as Tim Tebow, and if you can’t agree with that, please, view exhibit A!


“Dur, what does polarizing mean? TEBOW TIME!”

I’ve given many reasons I find logical about my love of this game, but this isn’t about those logical ones. This is about the one reason that gets me about as much attention as Rob Luther after a dental exam, Nick Stephens at a Barry White tribute concert, or Landon Long at a chicken biscuit eating contest, and that would be, of course, the acceptance of random child lifting. What’s that? Not catching what Tim Tebow is throwing? Surely we all know about Link and his patented item excitement lift technique that was later blatantly copied by a bunch of weird people who think Little Caesars is as popular as it was in the 90s, without even filling out the legal Hyrulian documents, but I digress.


Admit it, you played the Ocarina Of Time item ditty in your head upon seeing this. Don’t lie to a woman holding a dachshund in the air, it’s bad luck.

Well while there are certainly some questionable items Link has lifted over the years, perhaps none as perplexing and borderline a CPA violation than the random child he lifts in Zelda II. If you think there’s nothing wrong with this scenario, please allow me to show you exhibit B!


There’s a reason Hyrule children are told not to talk to strangers, because they may get lifted into the air, turned into an item, and becoming a citizen of a Peter Pan impersonator’s pocket for all eternity. I mean just look at this kid’s terrified face!

You may be wondering how an honorable human being like myself could love seemingly the abduction of poorly dressed cave children by a guy with pointy ears and a sword that shoots laser beams, but before you put me on trial, my reason for loving this is the fact that this was all considered acceptable by Nintendo, a company that was supposedly built on wholesome family fun and good taste. That’s where the humor comes in, not in the children running from Link as he yells out “Get in my pocket!” with a certain Austin Powers’ villain’s accent.

To the children of Hyrule, take some quick advice from your ol’ pal Atari Man..

Run, children, run!

 

About the author:

Atari Man is a 33-year-old video game small business owner, retro enthusiast, and writer. He’s a good guy, just don’t get trapped in an elevator with him if you don’t know who Ace Harding or the VTech World Wizard are.

Siegfried’s Ode to 8-Bit Morbidity.

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Again, again……old friend for such you have tasted, and your tranquility has grown to be, sitting alone, head in hands, controller on my knee.

Dead though you are, has your skill been that of the sober persistence? does it remind you of my repeated, replayed, my once again non-existence?

Playing against death, old tricks are distinguished, the previous haunting’s are to happen until, antiquated hours of work and will.

Within the hours of contemplative candleshine, it runs true, that my own ghost revisits upon that dawn, it teases and tempts with ceaseless respawn.

This is thy power of what has become, the rich mortality of those history shall write, shall again see death, and will only whisper their last passing breath.

Rewards have you sought, in the living light of day? being conquered from the night, above, beside……

Who then shall dare to say that they have truly died?

 

Adventures of Dino Riki

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This week the Dudes sit down to talk ANOTHER PATREON PICK! Did we mention that you all are awesome, yeah you, you are awesome. This week’s game is a pick by Dude Joe who chose Adventures of Dino Riki.

A lesser known title to grace the NES, Adventures of Dino Riki, is a difficult but fun addition to any D-padder’s collection. It is a game that plays a lot like other Hudson Soft makes like 1942 but features a caveman instead of a plane.

While this game is sure to cause some frustration (OK, maybe a lot) it is worth the pick up and the Dudes spend an enjoyable time discussing it.

Retrofitted Trophies

Dino A Go-Go: Get the turbo boots

Tyrannosaurus Wrecks: Defeat the t-rex

Dino-snore: Lose on the first level

Oh look a time travel machine: Beat stage one

Check my new invention: Kill all on screen enemies with fire

Wrong game dude: Kill snifit looking bad guy

 

Game Rating

Both Dudes give the same rating:

Dino from the Flintstones

 

Behind The Scenes Look

Shout Outs!

Drunken Slugs

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Being Atari Man comes with little perks. Oh sure, seemingly everyone knows you, a rainbow follows you wherever you go, and you always seem to have enough tokens when you go to an arcade, but other than that, the rigors of being one of Retro Junkies most beloved scribes comes with little fanfare, as once you get some fresh air, see the rising of the sun, and have your breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast, you are once again whipped into submission by the likes of Michael Kelso, Aaron Hickman, and whoever happens to have a whip handy to remind you that those articles won’t write themselves, and something about denying you that autographed Crest 3D toothpaste carton promised to you by Papa Luther, but you can never be sure what you heard, because the door to your tiny office is closed once more and back you go to the grind of a blogger/journalist/Genesis loathing superhero. What is a man of your caliber of humor to do in such a situation? Why, find something cute to stare at for hours, of course!

Now keep in mind, dear reader, I am not someone who panders at cute puppies or has their heart melt when some other animal out in nature does something adorable. I am the kind of person who loves ugly things, things so ugly they’re cute in their vain attempt to look like a normal member of planet Earth, and these are not creatures limited to our real world, oh no, they also exist in video games, which is exemplified to the furthest extent by a member of the cast of enemies in the classic NES title, Ducktales.

What’s that you say? You know of no such cute and ugly creature? Well I’m afraid you’re not looking close enough, gamers, because underneath the greed and creepy Scottish accent of Scrooge McDuck, just to the left of the careless shenanigans of Huey, Dewey, and Louie lies a creature so adorably ugly, so heartwarmingly hideous that I can only thank the two people responsible for its birth in the video game world, the people at Capcom, and of course, Barney from The Simpsons, because, ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, step right up and see just what Atari Man loves so much. I give you the Drunken Slug.

What’s that you say? You know of no such cute and ugly creature? Well I’m afraid you’re not looking close enough, gamers, because underneath the greed and creepy Scottish accent of Scrooge McDuck, just to the left of the careless shenanigans of Huey, Dewey, and Louie lies a creature so adorably ugly, so heartwarmingly hideous that I can only thank the two people responsible for its birth in the video game world, the people at Capcom, and of course, Barney from The Simpsons, because, ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, step right up and see just what Atari Man loves so much. I give you the Drunken Slug.


Aww, don’t you just want to tickle him and pray he doesn’t get any Sam Adams Summer Ale induced vomit on your shoes?

Oh no, don’t try to deter me or squash my preconceived notions here, folks. Clearly this slug is drunk. Just look at those eyes, all googly and glazed over, the face contorted in this cute and yet highly intoxicated smile, and for crying out loud, he isn’t even wearing clothes! Why Capcom, Duckberg Police, or the NASS (National Association of Sober Slugs) hasn’t jumped all over this guy is beyond me. My assumption would be, like all forms of government and social services, the paperwork was lost somewhere or their computer systems are down.

Now look, it’s 2015, so surely we can look past the shortcomings of a guy who is just trying to live his life without having to look over his shoulder for things like pogo sticks, birds, and of course, large shakers of salt, but can we really turn a blind eye to someone in such trouble?

Why of course we can! Because if history has taught us anything it is that in the same way an old college friend was hilarious bumping into doors and falling on their face after having too much to drink, that’s the same way the Drunken Slug can be looked at, with a smile and a head shake of disbelief that like the kid who never got his Associate’s Degree because of falling into a recycling bin, we admire the courage of a drunken slug who is still trying to make a living. We also admire the fact he hasn’t puked on anyone’s shoes yet.

Maybe he slurs his words. Maybe he’ll never find clothes to wear and start a slug nudist colony. Maybe he’s even so drunk sometimes he thinks he’s a cow, but one thing that cannot be denied is that I love my buddy, the Drunken Slug, and it really is a shame that we live in a world where a bunch of crazy looking rabbits who could use some Ritalin to calm the hell down can get their own video game, but a guy with a hilarious substance abuse problem can’t. What is this world coming to, anyways?
Until then, the Drunken Slug will just crawl into Tapper’s and order himself a few rounds, to drown the sorrows of not being looked at as anything special by the general public. But I want you to know something, my alcoholic little friend, and it is important that you listen and listen close. Do slugs even have ears? Whatever.

There’s one man out there who loves you just the way you are, slurring your words and lack of equilibrium aside, and he thinks not only are you special, but you’re so adorable I’d rather watch a 3 minute video of you on Facebook before I see another tumbling panda bear any day of the week, and that man is me, Atari Man.


Don’t patronize me, panda.

So eat, drink, and be merry, my little friend. You’ve earned it. Just please, don’t “break the seal” all over my new carpet, I just had it shampooed.

 

About the author:

Atari Man is a 33-year-old video game small business owner, retro enthusiast, and writer. He’s a good guy, just don’t get trapped in an elevator with him if you don’t know who Ace Harding or the VTech World Wizard are.

Ghosts ‘N Goblins

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Frustratingly difficult? Maybe. Fun? Depends on who you ask. Classic? For sure. Hold onto your underwear!

Ghosts ‘N Goblins has a storied history in the video game industry. Starting in the arcade and then later ported to the NES, this game is difficult yet fun. Want to know what the Dudes thought of it? Listen in.

The Dudes are really liking all of the Patreon Picks. This is another one. This one is from Mike Vito. Thanks to Mike for yet another Capcom game. We’ve really got a streak going.

Retrofitted Trophies

I Prefer David Lee Roth – Beat Astaroth

Vincent Price Would Be Impressed – Beat the game with no deaths

Thriller Night – Beat the game in under 30 min

Who’s the Big Man Now? – Kill 10 Big men

Albino Hulk – Kill first unicorn

Oh Yes They Call Him the Streak – Beat the level after getting hit by the first bad guy

Straight to Satan – Use level select to go straight to satan

King Arthur Most Certainly Would NOT Be Impressed – Lose to the first red devil

Game Rating

Type of Ghost

Patrick Swayze

Ghost Dad

Behind The Scenes Look

Shout Outs!

2 Dudes Go Biweekly

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BIG PODCAST NEWS!

After much thought, Justin and I have decided to go officially biweekly. This might seem like a bummer at first, but if you think about it, we’ve been really going biweekly on accident over the past few months anyway. We feel like it is going to be a good thing and here’s why…

1. More time to spend on each game. We can play the games longer. Hopefully, we’ll come up with better commentary and potentially more thoughtful retro-fitted trophies.

2. We can have more Patreon funds to spend on game giveaways. I’m not going to lie, the $75 goal being met is awesome, but I may have underestimated the cost of buying and shipping each episode’s game for four episodes a month. We won’t be able to cover it. But two games a month? We’ve got this!

3. This is a biggie for us. WE CAN COMMIT TO A DEFINITE RELEASE DATE. Right now, it’s kinda up in the air as to when we have time to schedule, record, and edit all within a week. I know some podcasts do it and do it well, but we don’t feel like we are able to do that. We usually trickle the episode out after a week’s time. If we feel like we have time to record “bonus” episodes and release them outside of the regular biweekly window we will, but you will still be guaranteed an episode twice a month.

So, Justin and I have both committed to releasing an episode every first and third… wait for it… ‪#‎wedNESday‬! This week might be a little late as we make the transition, but expect the episode after this week’s episode to release promptly on June 17th.

-Dude Michael

Mega Man 2

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The Dudes sit down this week with Eric from the Factory Sealed Podcast to talk about one of the most NES games Mega Man 2. The Dudes spend some time early in the podcast talking with Eric and making some corrections to the Ducktales story that was pointed out by a D-Padder.

Eric is a Mega Man expert and that really shows throughout the episode. Not only does he know about Mega Man 2 but all Mega Man in general. The Dudes talk all things Mega Man 2 and really get into this game.

The Dudes really enjoyed playing this beloved game and certainly enjoyed talking about it. Hopefully, you will enjoy listening as well.

Retrofitted Trophies

Call me Barry Allen – Get through Quick Man stage without using Time Stop

Gear Head – Beat Metal man

Runnin’ on Fumes – Use no E tanks the entire game

Now that’s how you make an entrance – Jump into the Boss gate

Michael Trophy – Defeat Bubble Man

You’re not hard core – Kill all enemies with metal blades

Ain’t got no time for this – Skip heat man disappearing platform using item 2

Pea Shooter – Use only the mega buster

Taming the Dragonzord – beat the mega Dragon without getting hit

 

Game Rating

Type of Blade

Machete

Katana

Schimitar

Behind The Scenes Look

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZPq4v6MF1Y

Shout Outs!

Ducktales

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Another Patreon Pick!? Not only is this another pick from our Patreon supporter Dude Shaun, but it’s also a widely loved game.

It’s a Capcom Disney game from the NES era. Do we really need to say anything else? Probably not, but we did sit down and discuss this game quite a bit in this latest episode.

Also, as is our latest style, we did a high score challenge. But… this time we had an awesome prize donated to us by Dude Shaun: A copy of the remastered version of Ducktales! Congratulations to Derek Fletchall for winning the prize!

If you want to participate in our future high score challenges or post a high score for any previous game we’ve covered, come join our High Scores!! Facebook Group.

Download

Retrofitted Trophies

If It Floats, It’s a Witch – Beat the Transylvania boss

Fore! – Use your golf swing to get an object

A Prize In and Of Itself – Defeat the Yeti (A Sacred Beast)

I Feel Bad About This… Really – Kill 5 rabbits

Donald Would Be Impressed – Beat the game on hard

King ‘o the Ducks – Collect $10 million

Orkin Man on the Moon – Defeat the Moon Rat

Game Rating

Rich Person:

Justin – Elon Musk

Michael – Bill Gates

Behind The Scenes Look

Shout Outs!

Astyanax

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The Dudes sit down to talk another Patreon pick and this week they are joined by the picker Greg from the SNES Podcast. The game that is discussed is a little known classic Astyanax. This Jaleco game may have quietly existed in a massive NES library but brings a lot of fun to the Dudes this week.

Astyanax is an action adventure game that is set in a mythological dream world where a teenage boy has been trapped. It is a game that brings a lot of fun and enjoyment but few NES gamers know about.

Join the Dudes as they discuss this game and perhaps play it yourself to see what you think

 

Retrofitted Trophies

I Love to Bash – Clear an entire stage only using the axe

Justin’s new mic attacks – Get 9 lives

Madam I think you need to see a doctor – Beat Medusa

Daphne – Beating Cesar

Bursting with Energy – Get a full power bar

Rosebud- Beat the game

Who needs weapons anyway – Beat 10 enemies with no weapons

Tom Arnold Would be Impressed – Score over 800,000

Protector of the Kingdom – Finish the game with 1 life and no continue

Got it paid – Beat the level rent

Putin Rejoiced-  Losing on Level 4-1

Sweet Feed- Pick up some life

Ping Pong Paddle John- Smack a pile of goo and killing it before it becomes a monster

Game Rating

Greek Character

Hercules

Achilles

Aphrodite

Behind The Scenes Look

Shout Outs!

Meatball Monsters

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Astyanax was a game I didn’t get excited about when I first heard the name as a kid. It could have been because I had a hard time spelling it, or because I thought it was some kind of food fungus ointment, kind of like Tinactin, only without the boom and inflated face of John Madden.

 


BOOM! TOUGH ACTIN’ ASTYANAX FOR ALL YOUR MYTHOLOGICAL INSPIRED FOOT FUNGUS!

However, as Michael Kelso tends to you, he gives me a game that I care so little about and makes me care about it, usually unintentionally, or promising me lavish gifts like a box of Slim Jims so I can practice my Macho Man impression or a signed copy of a box of Crest 3D toothpaste signed by the god of dental hygiene himself, Rob Luther. Astyanax is one of those games that requires a few tries before you can really appreciate it, or in my case, chuckle at what you’re seeing. In the case of today’s article, the focus here is on ordinary things are in this game if you really stop to strip it all done to the bare bones. However, in doing so, you’re left with a lot of questions, but fortunately, your ol’ pal Atari Man, he has all the answers for you.

A day in the life of young Roche consists of waking up in some dingy, dark, dank, probably cold(did the Greeks ever think of paying their heating bills? What, they can have a “big fat” wedding, but they can’t make sure Roche isn’t so freezing he has to pull out his heavy footie pajamas?) and putting on an outfit that not only looks silly in general, but looks like something created by the dual efforts of Big Van Vader and Grimace from The McDonald’s commercials. Is Roche really the mysterious 1980s wrestler The Purple Nurple???


SMELL MY ARMPIT! IT’S TIME, IT’S TIME, IT’S PURPLE NURPLE SUIT TIME!!!

Speaking of this outfit, and the physical makeup of this kid in general, how does he go from looking like a punching bag for most people in the cut scenes to somebody who could DDT every monster he faces? I’m consulting with Zeus for a drug screening. I mean, you can’t really blame Roche for this, it’s his silly parents pressuring him into doing this stuff. What’s the meaning of all of this anyways?

As bad as you might feel for Roche, as far as the silly outfit and parental peer pressure to look like the next Brock Lesnar, I DON’T feel bad for the fact his axe sounds like it couldn’t cut through a block of cheese, never mind an enemy, but hey, if you’re a brash kid who gets this fire axe from God and doesn’t return it, you get what’s coming to you. Did he listen to all of God’s instructions? No, of course not! That’s kids these days, always grabbing mystical fire axes and running off without finding out how it works, what the warranty is on it, and walking all over my prize Carolina blue grass, well guess what, pal, next time I see you on my lawn I’ll-

Wait, where was I going with that?

It’s a good thing that for all the bologna(and it’s not even fresh) that’s going on in this game, with young whippersnappers taking steroids, wearing ugly suits, and using a fire axe unsupervised, it’s a good thing that there’s something in this game I love so much, it helps me look past the glaring parental miscues from Roche’s folks, and the fact people are dumb enough to find courage in some random teenager and his axe of flame. Come on, finding courage in inanimate objects. What’s next? People harnessing energy from their mouth?

Nobody asked you, Rob.

Two words, meatball monsters.

Oh no, this isn’t Atari Man having some kind of nightmare that just so happened to arrive after eating a meatball sub, this is the one monster that shows up in the game, first dropping(or is it spinning?) down, looking like a big brown meatball. This is no ordinary meatball, it’s one that turns into what appears to be a two headed monster. Be afraid, be very afraid! For never in the history of man has there EVER been a two headed monster that’s brought good news, joy, and happiness! That’s right, Roche, say your prayers, because there’s NOTHING that can save you now, not even your fire butter knife! A two-headed monster! How merciless! How evil! How-


Sigh. I give up.

Spoiler Alert! Roche beats the two headed meatball monster with the power of Sesame Street, and just a little dash of grated parmesan cheese.

 

About the author:

Atari Man is a 33-year-old video game small business owner, retro enthusiast, and writer. He’s a good guy, just don’t get trapped in an elevator with him if you don’t know who Ace Harding or the VTech World Wizard are.

Defender of the Crown

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Lots of Robin Hood talk, cat jokes, and call backs in this episode of 2 Dudes and a NES. Also, a little bit of talk about the NES game… Defender of the Crown.

The Dudes received a lot of feedback this week telling them how awesome the Amiga version of this game is. Well, get ready to be disappointed because this show is called 2 Dudes and a NES.

We’re kidding of course. Another great episode in the books even if this wasn’t the best port of the game.

Retrofitted Trophies

Kevin Costner Would Be Impressed – Use Robin Hood to beat the game

Don’t Blink – Win at jousting

Putin Rejoiced – When the red team conquers the map

Wooo Hooo – Win at the mace battle

Did you say Abe Lincoln? – Beat one of the mini games with your eyes closed

Holy Moly – Blow the biggest hole in the castle wall

Game Rating

Type of Robin Hood movie:

Michael – Kevin Costner’s Robin Hood

Justin – Russell Crowe’s Robin Hood

Behind The Scenes Look

Shout Outs!

NES/Nintendo Junk Box

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Hey Dudes! The NES/Nintendo Junk Box is happening! We will be sending it out starting the first week of May and continuing it on a quarterly schedule as long as we have $30 worth of Patreon support. So what is it exactly?

I will start by filling a Large Flat Rate Priority Mail box with Nintendo and NES related stuff both from my personal collection and with the money provided by the Patreon support. I will send it on to the first person on the list. That person takes out what they want and refills it with more Nintendo goodies before sending it on to the next person. It keeps going until it ends up back to me, the original sender. If you want participate, here’s what you need to know:

 

1) Fill out the form

2) This first round will be limited to 15 people. Justin and I are 2 of those people so that means 13 D-Padders. However, because the people who support the Patreon campaign make this happen, they will get first priority.

3) All Nintendo stuff is fair game, but NES stuff is obviously preferred. Ideally the box would be at least 25% to 50% NES related.

4) Please be fair with what you take out and put in (That means only 1 copy of Deadly Towers is allowed!)

5) Try to reuse the original box if possible and feel free to decorate. It costs around $15 to $18 to ship to the next person. You will have to cover this cost.

6) Please try to ship it out within one week of getting it.

7) US only. Sorry to our foreign D-Padders.

Pa Pa Patreon!

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We do the podcast for the love of it… for the love of community we’ve created. However, we think we can make the show and community better. And that’s going to cost us more money than we’ve already put in.

Basically, we want to make some improvements to the website, podcast, and community. Better audio through better equipment, better website interaction, more game giveaways, etc.

The show will continue on as is… for free… same quantity and quality (well, maybe better quality but not worse). However, if you want us to sound better and giveaway more awesome swag, consider making a donation.

We already have some great people supporting us. We have reached 3 milestone goals already. You should be hearing some better audio by now and Justin will have a new mic within the next couple of episodes. We no longer need to take on sponsors to support our bandwidth costs. And… we are going to start a quarterly NES/Nintendo “Junk Box”! Stay tuned for details on that.

With all that being said, we have a lot more plans for the show and a couple of more milestone goals to fulfill. Who doesn’t want us to give away the game each show or start doing videos/twitching? Nobody, that’s who!

To help support us, visit our site on Patreon.com today!

#dpadders4lyf

Blue Haired Trumpeters

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Michael Kelso is a really trusting guy as it relates to what I post on this fine website. Well, it’s either that or he leads such a boring life that something I find particularly funny or interesting entertains him. Seriously, Kelso, go out and get some sun or something, your life is a precious thing to be wasting on the futile efforts of Atari Man to bring such hilarity to the masses. Fine, suit yourself, but when your license plate goes missing I don’t want to hear anything. I digress. Once again, Michael has tasked me with playing a game I’ve never played on the NES before, nor had any intentions of playing ever, in Defender Of The Crown.

Now look, I get the whole appeal of this game. It was cool to play this way before Robin Hood: Men In Tights came onto the scene, and even before Jim Carrey and Matthew Broderick were enjoying a battle at Medieval Times, but I think, in retrospect, most of us who did play this title will soon realize it isn’t the swordplay, the jousting, or anything else featured in this game that truly steals the show and gives us that epic adventure we were longing for as children. No, friends, not since the days of King Arthur has there been quite an interesting musical act quite like..

The blue haired trumpeters.

 

Why is their hair blue? There’re many speculations really, everything from them being a mysterious race of humans who mated with Smurfs or are of some direct descent from them. Other people think this is how the group Blue Man Group was formed, which is another strong theory. Neither theory can be proven, however. My opinion is that once again more foes fell to the trickery of one Latrine of the Robin Hood: Men In Tights movie after refusing to help her gain the affections of The Sheriff Of Rottingham. They were punished by losing their golden locks and replacing them with what appear to be heads of 7 Eleven Slurpees. Whichever theory you subscribe to, the important thing here is to know that back in those days, as the direct descendant of the rapper Snoop Dogg, Snoopus Maximus once said, and I quote, “There ain’t no party like a blue hair party, cuz a blue hair party don’t stop.” He may have also unnecessary thrown in a letter G as well. I don’t know. I wasn’t there, now was I? Get off my back, woman!

 

Ahem. It does beg the question, how much more money would Robin Hood movies grossed had these blue-haired little weirdos been in the films? Would people care less about whether Robin Hoods could speak with an English accent? Would townspeople care less about their villages being burned down in the name of Mel Brooks? As a fellow trumpeter, I can tell you, it’s not an easy job sounding that good, and I can say with certainty that a large portion of Defender Of The Crown sales should have been spent trying to find a cure for middle age blue hair, but sadly, it never was.

 

No friends, the people at Defender Of The Crown thought it was more beneficial to create scenes where a knight in full armor stands looking out onto the crowd, with nothing but an empty elementary school flag pole as a weapon.

 

I pledge allegiance to the blue haired people of medieval England.

 

About the author:

Atari Man is a 33-year-old video game small business owner, retro enthusiast, and writer. He’s a good guy, just don’t get trapped in an elevator with him if you don’t know who Ace Harding or the VTech World Wizard are.

Hyperion

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Just in time for Easter, the Dudes are here to talk about an Easter Egg. Except this time the Easter Egg is a game itself. The Dudes are talking this week about never released and unfinished game Hyperion.

Developed by Yoshio Sakamoto, Hyperion was a very unique game that could have had an impact on future games released on the NES. However, the game was never released and actually gave rise to two famous NES games.

Intrigued about this game that never came to fruition? Well give the episode a listen and see what you think about this game that never came to be.

Retrofitted Trophies

Hand-eye coordination of an astronaut – Beat the 1st level without getting hit

Shouldn’t you be on an old building – Kill 5 Gargoyles on level 2

Game Rating

Type of Invention:

Michael – Shamwow

Justin – Flobee

Behind The Scenes Look

Shout Outs!

Project Z.A.P. aka Hyperion

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As a young gamer, one of my greatest joys was uncovering an Easter egg in a game, or perhaps a glitch, something that wasn’t always intended to be found, sometimes something to benefit your adventurous search, or other times when it was simply the calling card left from a disgruntled programmer. It really didn’t matter to me, because I felt like I was a part of something special, something secretive. I’m pretty good at keeping secrets by the way, unless, of course, there’s a bowl of mashed potatoes or Angry Beavers merchandise involved, in which case, I’m sorry, but I’m spilling the beans. Today’s Atari Man Loves features a game I’m sure you’ve all heard of from the vast annals of video game history, a little ditty I like to call Hyperion.

What’s that? You never heard of Hyperion? Well, that’s no surprise really, as most of us diehard NES fans have only just heard of it recently. Turns out one day, many moons ago, when Nintendo was hopping with testers and game counselors working their butts off to make sure products were swell (and better than anything Sega could produce-zing!) they were tasked with reaching a certain quota. In the case of counselors, it was the amount of gamers they assisted, testers of course, testing a certain amount of games. Should one complete this task they were given a pretty sweet gift, a cartridge copy of Hyperion. Only those people employed by Nintendo in either of these jobs had a chance to get this title, and even then, only if they reached their quota. Talk about unlocking items and trophies! Hyperion can only be described by some as an arcade style Mega Man, but that’s a pretty vague description. What is known is it kept a high score and had no real story as far as the levels went. You blasted your way through as you needed to, and relied on your hand-eye coordination for jumps along the way.

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Still lost? Allow me to elaborate. Hyperion was an early title for Nintendo, a prototype created by gaming genius Yoshi Sakamoto, the brains behind the title Gumshoe, and better-known title he created after it, maybe you heard of it, Metroid. It was to utilize both control ports in the NES, using both the Zapper gun and controller, but as a lot of geniuses are prone to do (and trust me, I would know) Sakamoto was ahead of his time, as very few games since prior to the market crash were brave enough to utilize two controllers. Sakamoto was insistent that this would help the NES stand out from the pack, but Nintendo was hesitant and thought North American gamers would have a difficult time adapting to the idea of using a Zapper and a controller at the same time. Testers and game counselors LOVED the game and would often play it, should they attain it, in between calls. Still, Nintendo just wasn’t convinced. Not wanting to let his ideas go to waste, Sakamoto pulled apart the nucleus of his idea and created two games. Care to guess what they were?

Gumshoe and Metroid!

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Recently, Hyperion has been released on rom and the few sites that have it so far have already begun experiencing server problems from the sheer amount of feedback from diehard NES collectors who are doing the next best thing to mugging an old NES tester or breaking into the home of a NES game counselor.

So what do I love about Hyperion? I love anything that is the spark, the catalyst, to other games and pieces of video game history we are more familiar with. Any game can become a piece of history, but I think it’s easier to be the more popular ones. Even they had to begin somewhere though, and Hyperion, with it’s underrated soundtrack, tight controls, and innovative concept for the time, could have become something that we’d be talking about in the same breath as the game it loosely copied (before it even came out mind you, figure that out), Mega Man, or even The Legend Of Zelda, we’ll never really know.

What we do know is I need to wrap this up, because I haven’t played my daily dose of Hyperion today, and that’s just not a good day to be alive, I say.

 

About the author:

Atari Man is a 33-year-old video game small business owner, retro enthusiast, and writer. He’s a good guy, just don’t get trapped in an elevator with him if you don’t know who Ace Harding or the VTech World Wizard are.

Home Alone

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Are you like the Dudes? Do you watch Home Alone all year round? Even when it’s not Christmas time? Is your play count on the movie above 500?

Well, then why not join Michael and Justin as they discuss the NES adaptation of the movie? Made by (now) famous development studio Bethesda Softworks. This game was voted on by you, the D-Padders, as the 2nd most wanted game for us to talk about. Interesting…

Michael and Justin may not have been huge fans of this game but could certainly see why someone would want to play it for nostalgia purposes. So listen in to this episode and also, it’s generating a lot of buzz in our brand new High Score Group so come check that out HERE.

We also discuss our Patreon campaign a little bit further. Feel free to support us HERE.

Retrofitted Trophies

7 Going on 30 – Beat the game

Moonwalking – Do the moonwalk in the treehouse

Game Rating

Type of Trap:

Michael: Bear trap

Justin: Mouse trap

Behind The Scenes Look

Shout Outs!

NES Kevin

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So I never played Home Alone on the NES. Sue me. I was never really a big fan of the movies either, but I had a good reason. When I was a kid, I was constantly being compared to Kevin McAllister and asked by various family members to do his whole screaming bit, so it was almost like I wasn’t able to be myself because I had to be ready on cue for whenever anyone asked me to do that stupid scream. However, as in every case of Atari Man Loves, I had to find one thing about this game that I loved most of all, and I think, to keep with the theme of this article so far, I’m going to say, without question, it is the NES depiction of my childhood doppelganger.

For you see, dear readers, is it just me or is NES Kevin trying to tell us something? No, not that the coders are horrible, or the developers did a shoddy job of creating him, that goes without saying, but that in truth, the folks behind this game were all fascists nightmares (dressed like a daydream-high five Tay) who made it apparently clear that if you were going to be a sprite in their game you had to have a nearly identical hair and pants combo? For crying out loud, even his eyebrows and possibly his eyes are blonde! Blonde hair, blonde eyes, sounds pretty Gestapo to me. Why do dead German dictators have to ruin decent NES games? Don’t they have anything better to do, like the can-can or be used over and over again in YouTube videos complaining about some current event that they weren’t even alive to see happen?


I hate that Atari Man, always spoiling my plans for using Home Alone as Nazi propaganda!

Anyways, one thing NES Kevin does have going for him is an array of weapons. Oh no, I’m not talking about those little boxes you find as you go through the game. I’m talking about things like black shoes and a black shirt. That’s right, you blonde fascists, NES Kevin is still a human being and he’s going to let you know that by dressing like a combination beat poet/coffeehouse barista, and let me tell you something, he’s got some alliteration and a shot of espresso coming right at you, pal! More importantly than this show of individual freedom is NES Kevin’s ability to not only change his hairstyle and clothing (as seen when the Wet Bandits are caught) but judging by that scene alone, Kevin has the ability to change himself from a boy to what appears to be a 28-year-old blonde fascist who admires Lloyd Christmas’ haircut from Dumb and Dumber. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Let me ask you something, can Super Mario or Sonic do that? Can they go from wearing beatnik clothes to an ugly turtleneck while doubling their age? I think not!


I suppose I’d be excited too, looking older than I really am at the drop of a hat. Think of all the time saved you could be wasting making a fake ID.

So yes, NES Kevin, Atari Man loves your crazy hijinks, questionable spontaneous aging skills, and the ability to also change hairstyles and clothing at a whim long before The Sims was but a glimmer in the eyes of Maxis. I will salute you with a glass of chocolate milk, an old gangster movie, and by slapping Brut on my face and screaming…you know, like people used to ask me EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE.


…I hate you.

 

Sigh, it’s a tough gig being Atari Man.

About the author:

Atari Man is a 33-year-old video game small business owner, retro enthusiast, and writer. He’s a good guy, just don’t get trapped in an elevator with him if you don’t know who Ace Harding or the VTech World Wizard are.

Super Mario Bros. 2

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The Dudes return! And as per dude protocol, they are joined by special guest and back from break specialist John.

This week the Dudes dive into the NES classic Super Mario Bros 2. Definitely the most obscure of the Mario games, there is perhaps no other Mario game that has more polar reactions to it. Super Mario Bros 2 brings out the debate about whether it is a great Mario game or a mediocre at best game.

While the game gets mixed reviews retrospectively, it certainly was popular. The Dudes dive into this game and all the obscurity that it brings.

Retrofitted Trophies

Girl Power Trophy to Princess Peach

Boom goes the dynamite – Kill 5 enemies with POW block

Little Nemo – Beat the game without dying

Over Easy – Beat Ostro

Yes, We All Wear Masks – Steal the key

Magic Carpet Ride – Steal a carpet

Triathlon Trophy – Beat the game as Mario

High Jump Trophy – Beat the game as Luigi

Long Jump Trophy – Beat the game as Peach

Weight Lifting Trophy – Beat the game as Toad

Blistex Trophy – Beat the game

Game Rating

Type of Vegetable:

John: 8 out of 10 onions

Michael: an onion

Justin: Radish

 

Behind The Scenes Look

Shout Outs!

Residual Light

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The race for us, these blinded mice concludes…for now, that impending pendulum keeps tick, tick, tocking, and return I must, but for now the time is mine, mine and mine alone.

No longer must I feign the interest, to care for your obvious forecast of small talk with a hint of cats and dogs, for the sun could have his hat on, yet I no longer give a toss.

Whilst again I refrain, from the modern and mundane…. your popular references always go over my head, immersion in the game, each weekend the same, as I live in my own bobble of amusement.

This outside world no longer holds any relevance or meaning to my soul, for now this weekend is mine, mine and mine again, and I shall do as I see proud.

Pursing the games as much as I can, enjoying the lonely mists of irrelevance that life leads me to, a journey that many people dare not travel I find myself a secluded recluse bound by nothing, yet knowing all..

A lone ranger you may say, I’ve been sitting inside all day, the curtains closed, whilst the NES and I play.

It’s eventually happened, I’ve finally been cast in life as a lonely silhouette, constrained to this earth to live in the shadow of one’s former self.

Residual light glistens the through the slits in my curtains, the street lights beckons like a robin to the spring, the continue music plays and the alarm bell rings.

Monday is here, regrets not to adhere, I shall do as I see proud.

About the author:Baz

Baz hates writing in the 3rd person but has been an avid gamer since that once fateful 4th birthday when a certain Italian plumber fell down many many holes.

Since then it has been onward and downwards failing to leap over many other holes, but with such a persistent nature that shall not be changing anytime soon.

A fan of games old and new Baz’s favourite systems are the Nes & Playstation 1. Other lifelong hobbies would include mostly reading a lot, copious amounts of music and having a good ol‘ giraffe, preferably down the boozer!

8-Bit Memories

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Memory is a funny thing. Many people say that scent is a strong trigger for memories and I’d agree with that. For me, the smell of pine trees and oranges means Christmas time. Yes, oranges. I don’t know why but that was just something my grandma always had around the holidays, bowls full of oranges. So, I can’t smell that combination and not be instantly in the holiday spirits. Gaming can have that same effect on us. Anytime I hear a song from the Red Hot Chili Pepper’s Californication album I start feeling the warm and fuzzies for Ocarina of Time. I just so happened to listen to that album on a near loop while I did my first playthrough of OoT.

Is this part of the reason we swoon over retro games? Strip away the thrill of the hunt for a game you desire, the bragging rights on obtaining a great deal and other things associated with current day retro gaming and collecting. Maybe we are looking to relive a small slice of that feeling from when we first played our Nintendo. Or maybe it brings back memories of some life event that happened around that one time you were able to beat Guts Man on MegaMan.

Personally there’s more memories tied to game and consoles than I could even begin to list here. One of the most prominent, and not particularly cheery is linked to Super Mario Bros. on the NES. It was during the summer of 1990. My step-dad and I were in my room taking turns playing Super Mario Bros. At this point  in time, I was still teaching the adults how to get through games and show them “secrets” that I thought I was a genius for figuring out. It was a bit hot, we didn’t have air conditioning, but we sat there sweating like we were in a sauna so that we could hopefully, maybe, possibly beat the game. My step-dad had the controller and was working his way through a level when my mom popped in the room, rather startled and told my step-dad that it was serious and he needed to step out of the room to talk. You may have been an adorable child that wouldn’t dare listen in on adult conversations, but I certainly wasn’t.

I craned my neck as far as possible in their direction without being noticed and overheard their conversation. At the time, it didn’t mean much to me but it was my parents talking about the US going to war in the Gulf. The Gulf War had just started. Now, anytime I hear references to the Gulf War there’s a tiny place in the back of my mind that goes back to that hot and humid room where I wrangled a sweaty NES controller.

About the author:

Kyle Murphy is a 30-year old husband and father who resides in depths of retro nerdom. He’s a contributing writer for Retro Obscura, a host on Eclecnet, a streamer on Twitch and wants to grow up to be an adult one day.

Featured Image by Jonathan Noyau

A Flurry Of Emotions

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Here at the official 2 Dudes and a NES laboratories, we are constantly testing new theories and formulas to solve some of retro gaming’s toughest challenges, solving puzzles that would make the most hardcore Sudoku players squirm in discomfort, and we do it all for you. One such theory is the subject of today’s Atari Man Loves, in conjunction (junction, what’s your function?) with Dude Michael and Dude Justin discussing Super Mario Bros 2. Hold on. Let me set the mood with some somber Twilight Zone style music and lighting. Ok, that’s better.

 

Imagine if you will, a world where you are consistently trying to keep your footing, dodging these flying insect-like creatures with what appear to be pitchforks. Perhaps they are dairy farmers upset about the uproar over rising milk prices. However, as you do this there are these other creatures that scurry past you, sometimes falling into the icy sea below, as coordination and grace are not their strong suits. As they go past you, you think to yourself, “Man, I’m really hungry for some mashed potatoes right about now.”

 

Of course, this is when you remember what former John Adams High School graduate, current John Quincy Adams history teacher, and mashed potato connoisseur, Corey Matthews once said about mashed potatoes, “Don’t try to be mashed potatoes, they’re the best in the world at what they do.” Yes, I love what is known in Super Mario Bros 2 as a Flurry, supposedly a snowbound creature that’s all about tripping you up as you try to keep your footing in the icy tundra of World 4, but they are about as coordinated as a toddler; or a drunk..a drunk toddler?

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I mean does anything that looks like a midget made out of mashed potatoes seem menacing and evil to you? I’ve been calling them mashed potato people since the game’s debut in 1988 and I see no reason to stop calling them that now. They’re just so cute and adorable, I wish they made stuffed animals of them so I could put them on a shelf somewhere, maybe squeeze them and have them say something about the many benefits of mashed potatoes.

 

To me, this whole thing with them being associated with the evil Wart shows that even the most adorable and innocent creatures can be led down the wrong path if they feel threatened. Want to hear my theory? Of course you do! Mashed potato people are obviously a peaceful race, used to bringing comfort and happiness to all those around them. Wart, the big jerk he is, probably still miserable over being denied all his royalty checks from his only appearance in a Super Mario Bros game, threatened to destroy the peaceful village of spuds with a mighty volcano of gravy, unless they pledged their allegiance to him. Thinking not only of their own safety and survival, but that of the countless people in America who love mashed potatoes as well as mashed potato looking people scurrying and sliding around on ice, they did the only thing they could, becoming evil snow lords for a big jerk who threatened to kill them with turkey gravy should they disobey him.

mashed_potatoes

Today, on this, a month where we salute Irish people, Irish spring soap, public drunkenness during parades (I’m looking at you, Scranton), breakfast cereals that taste like cardboard and marshmallows, random rainbows, and of course, POTATOES, I salute you, the ones known as Flurries, because we all know who you really are. Beneath that snowy exterior beats the heart of a starchy soul who was willing to put it all on the line for the greater good. It brings a tear to my eyes just thinking about the sacrifices you made for us who love mashed potatoes. No wait, that’s not a tear, I was just cooking with onions.

 

Go, mashed potato people, be free. After 26 years, you deserve nothing better. Thank you for your service, and remember, we love you…

 

 

…with butter and chives. Mmmm.

 

About the author:

Atari Man is a 33 year old video game small business owner, retro enthusiast, and writer. He’s a good guy, just don’t get trapped in an elevator with him if you don’t know who Ace Harding or the VTech World Wizard are.

Nearly There, Just Not Quite Yet….

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It’s taken hours of gruelling practice, sore thumbs and possibly a broken controller, but you’ve made it. Finally there, the quiet before the storm, you take one last deep soothing breath, repeating your faithful mantra that has served you no purpose whatsoever…….Until this faithful moment

“Cummon, I got it this!”

A mysterious sense of tranquility overcomes you, past nerves evaporate from your senses, recollections of previous failures no longer materialize

“This is the one, no more messing about now!”

You feel at one with yourself, the character and the game, no longer a playable alter ego but an extension of your own self. With each jump, you flinch, with each strike, you lunge, you’re feet shuffling on the carpet underneath you can hardly contain yourself, the nervous energy courses through your veins and with each hit taken you writhe back aghast shouting the more than occasional profanity.  For the intensity of this duel has reached fever pitch and doubt once again starts to rear its ugly shadow upon your once ‘guaranteed victory’.

Staring nervously into the abyss of adversity you pull yourself together for one final push towards glory. Almost fraying from the edges of misfortune you finally regain the composure and skill you had acquired up to this point, now is the time to strike down your opponent once and for all, and at last that final hit, that oh so glorious hit, it beckons to you like a mythological siren. HHIIIIYYYYAAAA and with that it’s done….

The battle was arduous, you have triumphed over your long time foe, though only just. You’re final bar of life looms at the top of the screen, lingering as a constant reminder of how perilously close you came to death once more, but worry not, for now is the time to rejoice, to leap from your derriere shaped dent in the sofa, cheering, fist pumping, rapturous applause surrounds you, now is the time to surrender to the passion and joyous rulings of…..wait, what, why no, it can’t be….. What is this? A metamorphosis unbeknownst happening before my very eyes;

“Is this a demon which I see before me,

The controller toward my hand?

Come, let me clutch thee,

I have thee not, and yet I see thee still.

Art thou not, fatal vision, sensible to feeling as to sight?

Or art thou but a demon of the mind,

A false creation, proceeding from the heat-oppressed brain?”

And then death is so sudden, so suddenly sweet, you didn’t even notice the soil falling over your head. And with that you’re perished, banished to the start again, by now your patience has been worn so thin, stripped of all calming emotions, you can’t help but feel enraged, but maybe I’ll have just one more go at the dreaded…..

‘2nd Form Boss!’

About the author:Baz

Baz hates writing in the 3rd person but has been an avid gamer since that once fateful 4th birthday when a certain Italian plumber fell down many many holes.

Since then it has been onward and downwards failing to leap over many other holes, but with such a persistent nature that shall not be changing anytime soon.

A fan of games old and new Baz’s favourite systems are the Nes & Playstation 1. Other lifelong hobbies would include mostly reading a lot, copious amounts of music and having a good ol‘ giraffe, preferably down the boozer!

Return to Super Mario Bros.

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When the Dudes sat down to reminisce about one year in podcasting, one issue kept coming up. Neither Dude felt that they had done the early games justice. With so many awesome segments and so much better organization coming out of the later episodes, they felt like the show should go back and revisit some of those early episodes.

What better episode to start over with than Super Mario Bros? The game that started it all: The NES, the podcast, the Dudes’ love for gaming in general.

Hopefully, this time they have done right by this wonderful game. If not, maybe expect another return in a year?

Retrofitted Trophies

Now You’re Plumbing with Fire – Obtain fire flower

Hammer Time – Kill all hammer throwers on 8-3 without fire flower

Who Says Plumbers Don’t Make Bank – Collect 100 coins

Well Spit Fire – Beat the game without dying and having a fire flower

Do a Little Dance / Break It Down Mario – Do the vine dance

Poor Poor Plumber – Beat the game without collecting any coins

The Fireman Special – Jump to the top of every flag pole in the game

All Righty Then – Beat the game and never press “left”

It Just Doesn’t Seem Right – Kill Bowser with fireballs in 8-4

I Know a Secret… Shhhhhh, Don’t Tell – Run across the top of 1-2

I am Mario, I am Immortal – Beat the game without dying

Pole Vaulter – Jump over the flag

Pacifist Mario – Never kill anything and only defeat Bowser by dropping the bridge

Dagnabbit Princess – Beat the game and realize that you just start over

Game Rating

Type of Icon:

Michael – Michael Jordan

Justin – Bill Gates

Video

Coming soon!

Behind The Scenes Look

Shout Outs!

Hints and Tips: Zelda II

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First, some general gameplay notes:

1) With a few exceptions, there’s very little need to grind. You run into enough enemies in the game that as long as you fight everyone (clear the screen before moving on) you’ll gain XP and levels at a steady rate. Don’t run away from random encounters unless you’re almost dead.

2) If you DO need to avoid a random encounter while on the map screen, step off the road (you’re safe as long as you’re on the roads), trigger the monsters to show up, then duck back onto the road. You’ll go the battle screen, but no enemies, and you just walk off.

3) Explore the whole map, like you did in Zelda. There’s a number of goodies you can get if you poke around — 1UP dolls, experience bags, Magic and Heart containers, and so on. Smash any boulders that you see with the Hammer and cut down any standing alone tree clumps. Be especially suspicious of any lose standing areas of road or clear areas as well and walk onto them.

4) Also, when you get the winged boots that allow you to walk on water, try to explore walking on the ocean as well. There are two items you can get by doing that, and you can also save time when returning from the island palace.

5) In the palaces themselves, always slash at the statues of Iron Knuckle that you can see now and then. Sometimes they come to life — other times, they drop magic refill containers!

6) Within the palaces, the best way to deal with Iron Knuckles is to fake them out. Back them against a wall or the screen so they can’t run anymore, take two slashes either high or low, and then QUICKLY take your third slash the other way (high if you had been going low, low if you had been going high). He can’t react in time and you’ll hit. Rinse and repeat.

7) If you find a 1UP doll on the map, don’t take it! Just note the location of it and leave it for later (or consult a FAQ online when you’re ready). You can find a total of 5 dolls in the overworld. Save them for when you are ready to go to the Great Palace, then scoop them up at once.

On Raising levels and gaining XP:

1) With a few exceptions, try to keep a balanced approach to raising your levels. Don’t ignore magic. Magic is a VERY useful skill to have. As you raise magic levels, your spells are more powerful and (I believe) it costs fewer points to cast the spell.

2) When you place a crystal at the palace to finish said palace, you automatically gain enough XP to your next level. Don’t waste that! Check to see how much XP you need to raise a level after beating the boss. If you’re close (I’d say within 1000 or less) go grind in the palace until you hit that level, THEN go and place the crystal. You’ll gain two levels for the hassle of one!

3) By the sixth palace, you should either be at or almost at, max levels (8 for attack, life, and magic)

On using magic:

1) Some spells are very handy while others are useful only in special situations. Life, Shield, and Jump you use all through the game.

2) Fairy is a great spell to use also. Did you miss a key somehow and can’t proceed? No problem! Just turn into a fairy and fly through the lock! Do you have get past a tough screen? No sweat! Just turn into the fairy form and fly high and avoid all that mess. You can also pick up items in this form! There’s a ton you can do with it.

3) Fire is a spell that you need to cast to defeat some enemies, but none of the bosses require it. Some people use it a lot, I only use it to defeat those few enemies that NEED the spell.

4) Spell, Thunder, and Reflect are only useful at one specific time and place. In theory, Spell lets’s you turn a strong enemy into a weak one, but I never found it useful.

On fighting and palaces:

1) The downward slash is one of the handiest attacks in the whole game. There are numerous tough foes that you can just jump, and ‘bounce’ on their heads with the point of your sword until they are dead. In addition, it makes getting through blocks super easy.

2) The upward slash is more limited in use, but it comes in handy with some bosses, and can help you get out of the ‘trapped’ block areas.

3) A turbo button helps when you are fighting, so that you can do rapid sword strikes. You can paralyze a lot of foes that way,

4) Starting with some of the higher palaces, remember there are fake walls that you can walk through! By the same token, watch out for pits that fake also.

5) There is an item to be found in each palace. Make sure you get it.

On the towns:

1) There is one old man or woman in each town, who can teach you either a magic spell or a sword technique. Make sure to find them!

2) This includes the one town that is ‘dead’ and only has enemies in it, so take the hits (if you don’t have the cross yet) and explore.

3) Sometimes you have to get creative in order to find the old man/woman in each town. In one town, you have to do your best Santa Claus impression. In another you have to cast Spell at the right place.

4)Talk to the folks in the town the first time through, they can provide some nice hints and tips.

5) Usually you need the spell or technique that you can get in each town to advance in the next place, so don’t rush into the palace. Make sure you finish everything in the towns first.

On Death Mountain:

1) No doubt about it, this is one of the hardest places in the game. It’s also great to level up as you battle your way through. Your main objective is to keep heading south while picking the right caves and find the Hammer.

2) Either make a rough map or take notes on where each cave starts and where it puts you out at, and what other caves you can reach. I use the face of a clock as a guide, for example: ‘Cave A at 12 o’clock — Cave B at 3 O’clock — there is here Cave C at 6 o’clock and Cave D at 9 o’clock.’

3) When you finally find the Hammer, you don’t need to go back the way you came! Outside you’ll see a standing alone boulder. Smash it, walk onto the space, go through that cave, and you’ll come out on the long coastal road to the right, which lets you walk back up to Hyrule proper.

On beating the bosses:

I didn’t find most of the bosses in this game to be a challenge, as long as your levels are good and you know what to do. If you die facing a boss you’ll start with full health and magic at the entrance to the room for a re-match, so make sure you have a life in reserve. I don’t recall the names of the bosses, but here’s how you defeat each of them:

1st Palace Boss — run up to him, jump, slash him in the head, then fall back to avoid his counter attack. Rinse and repeat to defeat him.

2nd Palace Boss — jump up and use the downward thrust to hit him on the head. Once the helmet is off it will float around the screen and shoot at you. Ignore that. Jump up and use downward thrust again, seeing if you can ‘bounce’ on his now exposed head to defeat him.

3rd Palace Boss — Have Jump on, and be ready TO jump at a moments noise. He’s on a horse, and when he charges you jump up to avoid him and download slash him on the head to damage him. After a few hits the Ironkuckle will ditch the horse and fight you normaly. Handle him like any regular Ironkuckle at this point.

4th Palace Boss — You NEED Reflect to win this battle. It’s pretty easy. Cast Reflect, go to one side of the screen, crouch, and face the main screen. The wizard will pop in, fire spells, and pop out. With Reflect you bounce the spells back at him, and sooner or later enough will hit him to kill him.

5th Palace Boss — this is the toughest of the palace bosses cause it requires timing. He’ll attack you with a sickle-and-chain weapon that can do major damage. Watch the swing of the weapon as he winds it up. When it gets to one and a half times around, jump up (use Jump and Shield here). You’ll jump the weapon as he swings it out at you, and as you land stab him in the chest. Keep repeating to defeat him.

6th Palace Boss — pick a pit to stand next to, I favor the far right, but the far left or the center one works also. The dragon will randomly come out of a pit, fire a stream of fireballs, then go back down again. If he picks the pit you’re next to, you can stab him once as he is coming up and stab him again as he is coming down. Stay close to the pit and the fireballs will pass over your head. If your timing is good you can also use Jump magic to jump up and hit in the head just after his fireball attack also.

The Final Palace:

1) Don’t bother trying to go here until you cleared all six palaces. There will be a barrier in place.

2) Now is the time to gather up all those 1UP dolls that you’ve been saving!

3) On the long road to get the palace you will run into battle scenes where enemies throw rocks at you behind a wall. They target where you are going to, so use a ‘jerky’ motion to make it through these without being hit. That is, walk a bit, stop, walk a bit, stop, and so on.

4) When you reach the Great Palace itself, keep these two very important tips in mind for navigating it — ALWAYS go to the right (unless it’s a dead end, in which case go left) and keep working your way down in the palace.

5) There’s also a very narrow pit when you are a crumbling bridge in one part that you want to fall down in to advance

6) There are two bosses to defeat to win the game. The first is Firebird, and he’s the hardest boss in the game. Use Shield and Jump here to prepare yourself, then when the battle starts use Thunder. Thunder will weaken Firebird and change his color. Stand under him, jump up, and use your upward slash to hit in the face. Try to avoid his fireballs, and keep doing this until he’s defeated.

7) Your final enemy is your own shadow! He can do everything you can do and can be a hard fight…..but you can also make it wicked easy. When the battle starts, go to the left side of the screen, crouch, and keep stabbing. He’ll run toward you and try to jump to downward slash you, but as he jumps your stabbing sword will hit his legs and he’ll fall back. Keep this up and he goes down in no time flat. One of the easiest bosses of the game!

I hope this helps anyone who is going through this classic game.

About the Author:
Greg Polander has been gaming all his life, and enjoys modern games as much as retro games, from Pong to Skyrim. His favorite gaming consoles are the NES, SNES, and the Xbox 360. He also is the creator and host of The Super NES Podcast.

The Interweb says, “Wow! Look at the Great Deal I Got!!!” and “Only 78 to Go!”

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The internet gives us a ton of freedom to communicate, share, research, and discover – especially when it comes to video games. I love hearing and seeing about a game that I missed throughout the years and spending a couple hours researching the development, production, and release or discovering a really fun-sounding saga — then the hunt begins to find it of course!

What I kinda hate or loathe though, and I’m not a negative guy, is when I scan social media and see dozens of posts a day about people who score “game x” for “y dollars.” A large percentage of these posts feature uncommon games, rare titles, or franchise cornerstones. Some are almost impossible to believe, some are just cool to see a game I hadn’t thought about, and others have to be practical jokes designed to engage trolls like Little Samson for $25. I just really don’t get the point.

Am I supposed to care you got A Link to the Past for $5? How does that help me? What impact do you want it to have on me? I love when friends get a good score, of course, but for the game not what they pay for it. That’s the main problem I have with all these posts. In our Pawn Stars/American Pickers world we’ve been lead to prioritize the price we pay over the way we find it – and that turns my stomach. Sure it’s cool that you get a $60 game for 10$ but what should be cool is the game, not the price! Instead, it’s the other way around. It’s like saying the bat-mobile is the reason you watch Batman movies. It’s backward. As a collector, and most of my friends will agree, the game, in this case, is worth what you’re willing to spend. So if you come across Panzer Dragoon Sage for $350 and you want it, grab it! If you find it for $500, and still want – grab it! It makes no difference to me what you paid for it, so quit including that aspect in all your posts! It’s like people feel the need to impress upon others that they have a certain degree of business savvy instead of game savvy. I could totally be wrong of course and maybe that’s the point of a lot of collectors these days – get the game the cheapest regardless of when. I’m not like that and, a handful of others that I share my finds with, are the same. We prioritize the opportunity and condition over price – every single time.

nesClubPosterWhen making “The NES Club: Nintendo Quest” (www.nesclubmovie.com) we made a very conscious decision to not broadcast the prices of Jay’s finds because we wanted to focus on the games and not the prices. On top of that, some store owners didn’t want us to share the deals Jay got on camera, so it worked out for everyone. It’s a decision I’ll never regret because prices and trends  always affect the value of a product; but the actual product, video games in this case, won’t change. The magic of Super Mario Bros. remains awesome regardless of the price point and that was something we wanted to be our main focus. So what’s your focus? Is it the price? The game? The story behind the acquisition? Make it matter for the sake of my sanity!

This brings me to my next concern, though this one doesn’t irritate me nearly as much: countdown to a complete collection. Having made a film about a guy trying to complete an entire collecting in 30 days without using the internet, I get the appeal of wanting to share that story with people. That said, I chose to make a film about Jay getting a complete collection not because I wanted to show a complete collection but because it was his life long dream. Now, I hope there are a lot of other dreamers out there too going for a complete collection because you’re my target audience for “The NES Club: Nintendo Quest”, but you’re also the folks that can help explain WHY you feel the need to update your countdown with every single acquisition you acquire. No offense, I’m not emotionally connected with your updates or your nine-year journey to get all the Sega Genesis games – unless you compel me to care, and YOU CAN! Like my film, and you’ll find out soon, I wanted everyone to care about Jay’s dream as much as him so I introduce you to his world, his hopes, dreams, fears, friends, and family so that everything he goes through in order to get  games resonates on a deeper level. Make no mistake, “Nintendo Quest” is much more about a guy attempting the insane and as viewers, you get to see how he transforms, for better or worse, by having gone on that journey. So take me on a journey. The price you pay for your games doesn’t matter to me. The numbers of games in your collection doesn’t matter to me. Hook me with a reason to care. Tell me your journey.

We really want “Nintendo Quest” to forge a new kind of community that binds us together with not only our love for gaming and game collecting but the stories and adventures that we go through for something we all love. That’s relate-able. That’s universal. The only way, however, that this community will manifest is by the actions of everyone out there. It’s about prioritizing the right ideals and eliminating the competitive aspects that breed ego for the sake of ego. We no longer live in a world where we have to compare toys and whoever has the better toy collection is the better person –  that’s ridiculous, but that’s the maturity level that seems to permeate part of the social media scene. So let’s talk adventure, trials, and the most unbelievable things ever. Welcome to the Club. Game On.

About the Author:

Robert McCallum is an award-winning filmmaker and director of the upcoming documentary “Nintendo Quest.” @Pyreproductions • www.facebook.com/theNESclub • @theNESclub

Zelda II: The Adventure of Link

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Zelda II: The Adventure of Link. Wasn’t Zelda I an adventure of Link as well?

The Dudes are joined by the incredible Jay of Nintendo Quest! He has beat this game; so that right there makes him 100% more able to talk about this game than the Dudes.

And that’s exactly why it’s great that Justin and Michael bring on guests. This is a really interesting episode with lots of great game talk.

Don’t forget to support Jay and his Nintendo Quest documentary on Kickstarter. Only a few days left.

Retrofitted Trophies

Godfather’s Special – Kill 5 mini horse heads

Where are my pants? (Easy Access) – Play the game and look at Link

The Dirty Birdy – Defeat Thunderbird without taking a hit

Live Mountain – Make it past death mountain

Conquer the Crag… the Agro Crag – Make it through Death Mountain without destroying your controller or TV

Lady of the Night – Get “healed” by a lady in town

Game Rating

Type of mountain:

Michael – Mt. Olympia

Justin – K2

Jay – Mt. Everest

 

Video

Coming soon!

Behind The Scenes Look

Shout Outs!

Kung Fu

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Hiyah! Now that we’ve got the obligatory hiyah out of the way, the Dudes are joined by Kung Fu master Landon Long of The Retro Junkies Super Show! It’s time to kick some tail and save Sylvia!

Kung Fu is a great arcade port that has quick, addictive gameplay. Sit back and listen as the Dudes discuss techniques, boss designs, and high scores galore!

Retrofitted Trophies

This One’s for Matthew – Kill the boomerang guy

Shaq Fu Who? – Defeat the big black guy (aka The Giant)

Die in the Dog – Getting killed in a dog pile

Bruce Lee’s 2nd Cousin – Beat the game without dying

Ankle Attack of Death – Kill a boss by only using sweep kicks

Groundhog Day – Beat the game 3 times in a row

You Broke My Stick! – Beat the stick boss

How Much for a Dozen? 5000 – Perform the 5000 point jump kick

Mama Said Knock You Out – Lose to the 4th level boss (aka Mr. X’s mom)

Sweep the Leg Johnny – Defeat Mr. X by only using sweep kicks

Game Rating

Type of karate move:

Michael – Roundhouse kick

Justin – Crane kick

Landon – High jump kick

 

Video

Coming soon!

Behind The Scenes Look

Shout Outs!

Rygar

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Rygar, oh Rygar. An arcade port that turned into something entirely different.

It’s been a while since the Dudes have released an episode. Holidays, sickness, and just general life stuff has been in the way. But the Dudes won’t let that stop them. They are back on track (for now) and ready to talk some Rygar.

So sit back and listen as Justin and Michael dig through this arcade turned adventure game. Does it stack up against recent platformers on the show? Listen in and find out.

This game was highly requested by the D-Padders in the new poll that is available to determine which games the Dudes should cover next. You can visit that poll HERE and make your requests known.

Retrofitted Trophies

Who turned over the cinderblock? – Kill 4 rolly poly enemies

It’s a me Rygar! – Jump on 10 turtle shells

Who needs a rope when you’ve got this in your pants? – Get the grappling hook and never use a rope to climb again

Crotch rocket – Use the grappling hook

Arbor day is a stupid holiday anyway – Kill 4 trees

If Captain America and Iron Man had a baby – Obtain the armor powerup

Game Rating

Type of Shield:

Michael – Zelda’s wooden shield

Justin – Prototype shield

 

Video

Behind The Scenes Look

Shout Outs!