Month: March 2015

Home Alone

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Are you like the Dudes? Do you watch Home Alone all year round? Even when it’s not Christmas time? Is your play count on the movie above 500?

Well, then why not join Michael and Justin as they discuss the NES adaptation of the movie? Made by (now) famous development studio Bethesda Softworks. This game was voted on by you, the D-Padders, as the 2nd most wanted game for us to talk about. Interesting…

Michael and Justin may not have been huge fans of this game but could certainly see why someone would want to play it for nostalgia purposes. So listen in to this episode and also, it’s generating a lot of buzz in our brand new High Score Group so come check that out HERE.

We also discuss our Patreon campaign a little bit further. Feel free to support us HERE.

Retrofitted Trophies

7 Going on 30 – Beat the game

Moonwalking – Do the moonwalk in the treehouse

Game Rating

Type of Trap:

Michael: Bear trap

Justin: Mouse trap

Behind The Scenes Look

Shout Outs!

NES Kevin

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So I never played Home Alone on the NES. Sue me. I was never really a big fan of the movies either, but I had a good reason. When I was a kid, I was constantly being compared to Kevin McAllister and asked by various family members to do his whole screaming bit, so it was almost like I wasn’t able to be myself because I had to be ready on cue for whenever anyone asked me to do that stupid scream. However, as in every case of Atari Man Loves, I had to find one thing about this game that I loved most of all, and I think, to keep with the theme of this article so far, I’m going to say, without question, it is the NES depiction of my childhood doppelganger.

For you see, dear readers, is it just me or is NES Kevin trying to tell us something? No, not that the coders are horrible, or the developers did a shoddy job of creating him, that goes without saying, but that in truth, the folks behind this game were all fascists nightmares (dressed like a daydream-high five Tay) who made it apparently clear that if you were going to be a sprite in their game you had to have a nearly identical hair and pants combo? For crying out loud, even his eyebrows and possibly his eyes are blonde! Blonde hair, blonde eyes, sounds pretty Gestapo to me. Why do dead German dictators have to ruin decent NES games? Don’t they have anything better to do, like the can-can or be used over and over again in YouTube videos complaining about some current event that they weren’t even alive to see happen?


I hate that Atari Man, always spoiling my plans for using Home Alone as Nazi propaganda!

Anyways, one thing NES Kevin does have going for him is an array of weapons. Oh no, I’m not talking about those little boxes you find as you go through the game. I’m talking about things like black shoes and a black shirt. That’s right, you blonde fascists, NES Kevin is still a human being and he’s going to let you know that by dressing like a combination beat poet/coffeehouse barista, and let me tell you something, he’s got some alliteration and a shot of espresso coming right at you, pal! More importantly than this show of individual freedom is NES Kevin’s ability to not only change his hairstyle and clothing (as seen when the Wet Bandits are caught) but judging by that scene alone, Kevin has the ability to change himself from a boy to what appears to be a 28-year-old blonde fascist who admires Lloyd Christmas’ haircut from Dumb and Dumber. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Let me ask you something, can Super Mario or Sonic do that? Can they go from wearing beatnik clothes to an ugly turtleneck while doubling their age? I think not!


I suppose I’d be excited too, looking older than I really am at the drop of a hat. Think of all the time saved you could be wasting making a fake ID.

So yes, NES Kevin, Atari Man loves your crazy hijinks, questionable spontaneous aging skills, and the ability to also change hairstyles and clothing at a whim long before The Sims was but a glimmer in the eyes of Maxis. I will salute you with a glass of chocolate milk, an old gangster movie, and by slapping Brut on my face and screaming…you know, like people used to ask me EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE.


…I hate you.

 

Sigh, it’s a tough gig being Atari Man.

About the author:

Atari Man is a 33-year-old video game small business owner, retro enthusiast, and writer. He’s a good guy, just don’t get trapped in an elevator with him if you don’t know who Ace Harding or the VTech World Wizard are.

Super Mario Bros. 2

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The Dudes return! And as per dude protocol, they are joined by special guest and back from break specialist John.

This week the Dudes dive into the NES classic Super Mario Bros 2. Definitely the most obscure of the Mario games, there is perhaps no other Mario game that has more polar reactions to it. Super Mario Bros 2 brings out the debate about whether it is a great Mario game or a mediocre at best game.

While the game gets mixed reviews retrospectively, it certainly was popular. The Dudes dive into this game and all the obscurity that it brings.

Retrofitted Trophies

Girl Power Trophy to Princess Peach

Boom goes the dynamite – Kill 5 enemies with POW block

Little Nemo – Beat the game without dying

Over Easy – Beat Ostro

Yes, We All Wear Masks – Steal the key

Magic Carpet Ride – Steal a carpet

Triathlon Trophy – Beat the game as Mario

High Jump Trophy – Beat the game as Luigi

Long Jump Trophy – Beat the game as Peach

Weight Lifting Trophy – Beat the game as Toad

Blistex Trophy – Beat the game

Game Rating

Type of Vegetable:

John: 8 out of 10 onions

Michael: an onion

Justin: Radish

 

Behind The Scenes Look

Shout Outs!

Residual Light

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The race for us, these blinded mice concludes…for now, that impending pendulum keeps tick, tick, tocking, and return I must, but for now the time is mine, mine and mine alone.

No longer must I feign the interest, to care for your obvious forecast of small talk with a hint of cats and dogs, for the sun could have his hat on, yet I no longer give a toss.

Whilst again I refrain, from the modern and mundane…. your popular references always go over my head, immersion in the game, each weekend the same, as I live in my own bobble of amusement.

This outside world no longer holds any relevance or meaning to my soul, for now this weekend is mine, mine and mine again, and I shall do as I see proud.

Pursing the games as much as I can, enjoying the lonely mists of irrelevance that life leads me to, a journey that many people dare not travel I find myself a secluded recluse bound by nothing, yet knowing all..

A lone ranger you may say, I’ve been sitting inside all day, the curtains closed, whilst the NES and I play.

It’s eventually happened, I’ve finally been cast in life as a lonely silhouette, constrained to this earth to live in the shadow of one’s former self.

Residual light glistens the through the slits in my curtains, the street lights beckons like a robin to the spring, the continue music plays and the alarm bell rings.

Monday is here, regrets not to adhere, I shall do as I see proud.

About the author:Baz

Baz hates writing in the 3rd person but has been an avid gamer since that once fateful 4th birthday when a certain Italian plumber fell down many many holes.

Since then it has been onward and downwards failing to leap over many other holes, but with such a persistent nature that shall not be changing anytime soon.

A fan of games old and new Baz’s favourite systems are the Nes & Playstation 1. Other lifelong hobbies would include mostly reading a lot, copious amounts of music and having a good ol‘ giraffe, preferably down the boozer!

8-Bit Memories

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Memory is a funny thing. Many people say that scent is a strong trigger for memories and I’d agree with that. For me, the smell of pine trees and oranges means Christmas time. Yes, oranges. I don’t know why but that was just something my grandma always had around the holidays, bowls full of oranges. So, I can’t smell that combination and not be instantly in the holiday spirits. Gaming can have that same effect on us. Anytime I hear a song from the Red Hot Chili Pepper’s Californication album I start feeling the warm and fuzzies for Ocarina of Time. I just so happened to listen to that album on a near loop while I did my first playthrough of OoT.

Is this part of the reason we swoon over retro games? Strip away the thrill of the hunt for a game you desire, the bragging rights on obtaining a great deal and other things associated with current day retro gaming and collecting. Maybe we are looking to relive a small slice of that feeling from when we first played our Nintendo. Or maybe it brings back memories of some life event that happened around that one time you were able to beat Guts Man on MegaMan.

Personally there’s more memories tied to game and consoles than I could even begin to list here. One of the most prominent, and not particularly cheery is linked to Super Mario Bros. on the NES. It was during the summer of 1990. My step-dad and I were in my room taking turns playing Super Mario Bros. At this point  in time, I was still teaching the adults how to get through games and show them “secrets” that I thought I was a genius for figuring out. It was a bit hot, we didn’t have air conditioning, but we sat there sweating like we were in a sauna so that we could hopefully, maybe, possibly beat the game. My step-dad had the controller and was working his way through a level when my mom popped in the room, rather startled and told my step-dad that it was serious and he needed to step out of the room to talk. You may have been an adorable child that wouldn’t dare listen in on adult conversations, but I certainly wasn’t.

I craned my neck as far as possible in their direction without being noticed and overheard their conversation. At the time, it didn’t mean much to me but it was my parents talking about the US going to war in the Gulf. The Gulf War had just started. Now, anytime I hear references to the Gulf War there’s a tiny place in the back of my mind that goes back to that hot and humid room where I wrangled a sweaty NES controller.

About the author:

Kyle Murphy is a 30-year old husband and father who resides in depths of retro nerdom. He’s a contributing writer for Retro Obscura, a host on Eclecnet, a streamer on Twitch and wants to grow up to be an adult one day.

Featured Image by Jonathan Noyau

A Flurry Of Emotions

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Here at the official 2 Dudes and a NES laboratories, we are constantly testing new theories and formulas to solve some of retro gaming’s toughest challenges, solving puzzles that would make the most hardcore Sudoku players squirm in discomfort, and we do it all for you. One such theory is the subject of today’s Atari Man Loves, in conjunction (junction, what’s your function?) with Dude Michael and Dude Justin discussing Super Mario Bros 2. Hold on. Let me set the mood with some somber Twilight Zone style music and lighting. Ok, that’s better.

 

Imagine if you will, a world where you are consistently trying to keep your footing, dodging these flying insect-like creatures with what appear to be pitchforks. Perhaps they are dairy farmers upset about the uproar over rising milk prices. However, as you do this there are these other creatures that scurry past you, sometimes falling into the icy sea below, as coordination and grace are not their strong suits. As they go past you, you think to yourself, “Man, I’m really hungry for some mashed potatoes right about now.”

 

Of course, this is when you remember what former John Adams High School graduate, current John Quincy Adams history teacher, and mashed potato connoisseur, Corey Matthews once said about mashed potatoes, “Don’t try to be mashed potatoes, they’re the best in the world at what they do.” Yes, I love what is known in Super Mario Bros 2 as a Flurry, supposedly a snowbound creature that’s all about tripping you up as you try to keep your footing in the icy tundra of World 4, but they are about as coordinated as a toddler; or a drunk..a drunk toddler?

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I mean does anything that looks like a midget made out of mashed potatoes seem menacing and evil to you? I’ve been calling them mashed potato people since the game’s debut in 1988 and I see no reason to stop calling them that now. They’re just so cute and adorable, I wish they made stuffed animals of them so I could put them on a shelf somewhere, maybe squeeze them and have them say something about the many benefits of mashed potatoes.

 

To me, this whole thing with them being associated with the evil Wart shows that even the most adorable and innocent creatures can be led down the wrong path if they feel threatened. Want to hear my theory? Of course you do! Mashed potato people are obviously a peaceful race, used to bringing comfort and happiness to all those around them. Wart, the big jerk he is, probably still miserable over being denied all his royalty checks from his only appearance in a Super Mario Bros game, threatened to destroy the peaceful village of spuds with a mighty volcano of gravy, unless they pledged their allegiance to him. Thinking not only of their own safety and survival, but that of the countless people in America who love mashed potatoes as well as mashed potato looking people scurrying and sliding around on ice, they did the only thing they could, becoming evil snow lords for a big jerk who threatened to kill them with turkey gravy should they disobey him.

mashed_potatoes

Today, on this, a month where we salute Irish people, Irish spring soap, public drunkenness during parades (I’m looking at you, Scranton), breakfast cereals that taste like cardboard and marshmallows, random rainbows, and of course, POTATOES, I salute you, the ones known as Flurries, because we all know who you really are. Beneath that snowy exterior beats the heart of a starchy soul who was willing to put it all on the line for the greater good. It brings a tear to my eyes just thinking about the sacrifices you made for us who love mashed potatoes. No wait, that’s not a tear, I was just cooking with onions.

 

Go, mashed potato people, be free. After 26 years, you deserve nothing better. Thank you for your service, and remember, we love you…

 

 

…with butter and chives. Mmmm.

 

About the author:

Atari Man is a 33 year old video game small business owner, retro enthusiast, and writer. He’s a good guy, just don’t get trapped in an elevator with him if you don’t know who Ace Harding or the VTech World Wizard are.