Atari Man here, and you know something, there’s nothing I love more than blatantly obvious jokes, and no, that’s not what this article is about, the fact I love blatantly obvious jokes. It is however about a blatantly obvious joke in relation to the game Adventures Of Dino Riki, another one of those silly games (Hey) Justin and (Hey) Michael are subjecting me to, albeit indirectly as I bring you, my legions of fans (all 12 of you) something I love about Dino Riki, and trust me this is actually something you’re going to want to pay attention to, even before you pop that cartridge into your trusty NES. Like I said, this is about a blatantly obvious joke, and if you look at the artwork on your Dino Riki cartridge you might be smart enough to figure out what this blatantly obvious joke is. Still looking? Times up!
You see, this is one of the many struggles of being me, Atari Man, because while the rest of the world just sees a colorful and action packed piece of artwork on this cartridge, I see a lesson in personal hygiene. Now look, before you lock me up with that one guy who brushes his teeth 5 times a day (and that’s just what’s been recorded at Guinness) allow me to elaborate. Sure, it looks like Riki here, with his spiked hair no caveman has ever been documented on record of having is simply delivering a flying kick that would make the likes of Billy and Jimmy Lee jealous, when in fact we don’t see the dinosaurs backing off because of the power of said kick. But Atari Man, just look at that comic book style explosion graphic near him, surely the kick was enough to send a shockwave through these dinosaurs, thus creating yet another theory as to why they went extinct, right? Wrong, grasshoppers, because the dinosaurs aren’t being harmed by Riki’s powerful kick, they are being harmed by the powerful ODOR of Riki’s feet. Now I know I’m not a huge history buff, but chances are back in those days when cavemen and dinosaurs that were proven to never have had existed at the same time somehow did there was no Irish Spring soap. Heck, there wasn’t even an Irish spring to be found! Something also tells me despite his immortal powers and ability to curse any current NFL athlete by allowing them to grace the cover of his football games, John Madden also was absent with his giant can of (BOOM!) Tough Actin’ Tinactin for Athlete’s Foot, you know, because running from dinosaurs trying to kill you was an Olympic sport back then.
There’s some ninjas and bees in here, BOOM!
Think about it, what’s not to love about a guy who improvises and comes up with a new weapon to thus kill a dinosaur and bring the food home to his spikey haired cave people family? While the Joneses down a few caves are trying to find a new way to carve a more effective spear, Riki is simply dipping his already big nasty feet in ponds of dead fish, scum, and whatever was left over from the Fear Factory levels of Donkey Kong Country on the SNES. Who knows? He might even be mixing in some garbage from those terrible Toxic Avenger films and the remains of the first showing of Gigli with Ben Affleck and that Hispanic girl with the big..smile. I mean, if you’re going to take down a brontosaurus you need to bring out the big guns.
Did somebody say terrible movies and big guns, BUUUUUDDDDYY?
Dino Riki, you dino stink, and for that, Atari Man loves ya, just keep your nasty feet, complete with bunions, away from me. Hmm, maybe THIS is why the dinosaurs in all the Jurassic Park films are always so angry?
Ahem, excuse me good chap, could you kindly, oh I don’t know, WASH YOUR STANKY FEET, RAWWWWWRRR! Thank you. Good day!
2 Dudes and a NES 