My mother still treats me like I’m 9. As we speak I am sitting at my parents’ house making sure their 10-year-old little dog Rocky doesn’t bite one of the kind workers who are putting in a new back porch and I almost feel like I’m a child and she’s telling me “Now, Nicholas, not everything in the world is funny.” You’re right, Mom. Guys, my mom is right. You can’t just slap a picture on 2 Dudes And A NES and then through the magic of the Internet it becomes this sensationally hilarious thing.
Ok, so that’s pretty funny.
However, it is certainly worth noting that I don’t just wake up with these ideas in my head. It takes time, patience, a whole lot of snack foods, 90s music, and meditation in front of my Retro Junkies shrine (complete with Rob brushing his teeth and Landon chowing down on a chicken biscuit standing back to back) for me to get a clear mind, a clear soul, and might I add clear skin without the use of Adam Levine?
“I just couldn’t believe it. He looked right at me, said “You’re a poor man’s Rob Luther!”, and then hit me with a sugar bomb.”
I’ve been trying my best to go through the back catalog of episodes here on 2 Dudes after a long hiatus, and I realized a few things:
-There’s NO way I’m covering all these games. Sorry, peeps, but a guy has to eat, sleep, and dream of a world where Kanye West doesn’t exist.
-Kelso has one of the best voices NEVER to be in an episode of The Dukes Of Hazzard, with Justin as a close second.
-Some of the games that I thought would be difficult to create material for have actually been pretty easy, such is the case of what I LOVE today.
Just as I have so many great memories about classic NES titles, I also have those moments where I shook my head and wondered what the big deal was about a game, even as a kid. I can still vividly remember kids at school talking about Rygar and how great it was. Who was I to argue? I was quite the poor child in some aspects, especially in the realm of video games, so like any deprived kid I figured I was missing something until the day arrived that I got to put that glorious Rygar cartridge into my trusty NES and see just what all the hub-bub (great term, use it, guys) was about. I can still remember the very first question I asked myself when playing Rygar, as clear as day.
“Why is he using a yo-yo to attack people?”
Which was followed by a whole queue of questions, ranging from:
“Where did he get the yo-yo?”
“Is it a Duncan yo-yo?”
“If it isn’t Duncan, is it one of those Ding-A-Ling ones with the commercial that makes me and all my friends laugh?”
“Is that creepy guy in the cave his father? Did he get him the yo-yo for being a good boy at the mall?”
“Why do enemies disappear? Are they afraid of the yo-yo?”
You can now tell why I am the person you know today. While kids were worrying about things like fruit snacks, Saturday morning cartoons, and scented markers, I was tackling the big issues, like why Rygar was ever a game to begin with. That being said I’ve finally discovered the main reason this game DID come to pass, and it can be summed up in two words.
Mr. Dink.
“Heyuk, what’s the matter? Expecting someone less purple and handsome?”
Whenever you’re someone looking for something incredibly overpriced (VERY EXPENSIVE) that really has very little purpose, then Dink is your man. Would he really pass up the opportunity to provide this warrior with the latest and greatest in yo-yo weapon technology? Of course not!
So while I want to hate Rygar, I can’t, if only because of Bud Dink’s kind donation of some VERY EXPENSIVE yo-yos. How Dink obtains the money for this or any of this million other gadgets is still in question (I believe he sells drugs, but that’s for another article) but what definitely isn’t would be how naked this warrior would feel going to battle without his trusty high powered Mr Dink Yo-Yo Of Doom courtesy of Bluffco Industries.
I wonder if it had a catchy and highly questionable jingle?
Wait..they made robots? This changes everything!
2 Dudes and a NES 